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Wedding Ring

by tinkerbell_09


Wedding Ring

I want to tell you a story. It’s about two lovers separated by love itself. The boy is an adopted child. And the girl is the true one. They can’t show their love in front of other people .Because their parents won’t let them. But the truth is, it’s because of agreements written on papers. An agreement that involves the boy and what he calls his foster parents.

You know what? They don’ care! Actually, they’ve made their own rules. And number 1 is not being afraid when you’re happy with what you’re doing.

They’re happy when they were together. They’re having fun, enjoying each other’s company and many more. Not knowing that as every second passes, they’re falling deeper and deeper into each other’s arms. Until the day comes when their love is not anymore a secret or a denial. It becomes a truth. A truth to be proud for.

Yesterday was a wonderful moment. Not now. Now that the boy is nowhere to be found. He left. Because of signatures that forbid them to do that kind of a sin. But before that, they’ve promised not to die without getting married. That will only be the symbol of their love. Cause in this situation, they can’t do anything but to obey.

Years passed and passed. Still, there’s no sign of the boy. The girl thought he went to other places and forget about her and their promise. But she’s not losing hope. She believes in him. That someday he’ll go back and tell his love to her. And after that, they will be married. Though in a secret, it will be an unforgettable experience.

But everyday is not special. Just ordinary. No sense. No meaning. Until in that very day, the girl found out that the boy committed suicide 2 months from now. It was a long cry. With tears showering the land where he was buried. The boy’s friends told the girl that he was totally depressed the day he left the house. That he loved her so much, it was an obsession. Only one day he didn’t see her, it was pain, it was a punishment. It’s as if he’s in jail. That whatever his friends do, he’ll locked up in a room and don’t eat for one day. Until they were just surprised to find out he slashed his wrist one morning.

That’s where the girl was. Alone in a cemetery, trying to embrace the boy she once loved. But death had separated them from each other. She cried and cried as if her tears were endless. Perhaps, she’s feeling the pain the boy experienced for once. The same hope for his smiles and his arms carrying her. It was a deep depression. And it felt like a punishment. She can’t live without him. All her life, he’s the only one she loved. That love can’t be replaced by someone. And as she pulled a knife from her bag, she thinks of meeting him seconds from now. Above. Waiting for him . And finally, after many years, she will see his most handsome face.

Blood drops over the land. With the rain washing it apart. She died. Without anyone knowing where she was and what had happened to her. They’re not married. But the important thing is, he’s with her the moment she died. Though he’s not there to share happiness during her graduation or her birthday. It was more than marriage.

You know, I can still see them above the sky. With their arms embracing each other, not thinking of letting go, or how impossible is forever. Actually, they’ve already made the second rule. And that proves that promises can be made even without a wedding ring.


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Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:48 am



It's a good start, but does read like a summary, and doesn't feel like a story to me.

Try adding in some more details.




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Thu Aug 14, 2008 10:41 pm
darkgeisha0525 wrote a review...



I really liked the message of the story but I have to agree with everyone else that it does read like a summary. I think a well balanced story includes dialoge as well as description.

Cause in this situation, they can’t do anything but to obey.

Unlike Laurene_Mcdaniel_Rox, I think it is fine to start some sentences with because, but make sure it is spelled correctly, and only use 'Cause, when some one is talking as it coloquial.

Id like to hear more description about their feelings and also their character. Are they strong minded or are they quiet or are they rebellious? Also, where are they? and where did the boy go?

Until in that very day, the girl found out that the boy committed suicide 2 months from now.

In this part, Id like to know what day? and also, 2 months from now is in the future. Did you mean 2 months ago? Also, id like to know if it is a rainy, hot summer or if it is a harsh winter with a lot of cold winds and maybe even snow?

And number 1 is not being afraid when you’re happy with what you’re doing.

In this part I'd like to suggest that you change the 1 to one. When writng, numbers under 100 are spelled out.

Other than that, I really liked your story. I'd like to read more of your work. Pm if you post anything else! ^.^




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Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:39 pm
Lurlene_Mcdaniel_Rox wrote a review...



Heyy

I think that it is more like a summary too, I found it quite boring the beginnign didn't catch me like the begginning was just kinda boring

I want to tell you a story. It’s about two lovers separated by love itself. The boy is an adopted child. And the girl is the true one. They can’t show their love in front of other people .Because their parents won’t let them. But the truth is, it’s because of agreements written on papers. An agreement that involves the boy and what he calls his foster parents.


You know what? They don’ care! Actually, they’ve made their own rules. And number 1 is not being afraid when you’re happy with what you’re doing.


They’re happy when they were together. They’re having fun, enjoying each other’s company and many more. Not knowing that as every second passes, they’re falling deeper and deeper into each other’s arms. Until the day comes when their love is not anymore a secret or a denial. It becomes a truth. A truth to be proud for.





There is also some speeling mistakes and I was tuaght to not start a sentence with because but hey i am only 13 and u r 32 so w/e u ahve finsiehded scool and all
so yah




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Tue May 17, 2005 3:02 pm
Kay Kay says...



I liked it...good start. I agree with Mattie and Reichieru. Keep up the good work!




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Sun May 15, 2005 10:09 pm
Mattie wrote a review...



It's a very interesting start for a story. It sounds like a summary more than anything though, not saying it's not good but you really need to expand on your plot and detail. I think you have a really good idea going and it could be really great if you would put more thought into it. It's a little confusing at times and to tell you the truth, the whole post was. Especailly the first few paragraphs. Just work on it and you'll get the hang of it. If you need help or anything there are many sites on google that recommend the best way to start off a story and write it properly. I hope to read more of this because so far you're headed in the right direction.




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Sun May 15, 2005 1:56 pm
Rei says...



This reads more like a summary than an actual story. It's a well-written summary, but it's missing a lot. Like dialogue, visual descriptions, internal monologue from one or more of the characters, and names for the characters.





The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl