Published July 18, 2011
Okay, I wrote this a few minutes ago for this contest, and it's based on this picture:
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It feels as if,
we are dancing in midair,
spiralling, laughing,
toes skimming the ocean.
The dark sun is setting,
enclosing the daylight,
holding it close,
and giving faint sparks.
The magnetism between us,
that you know you can't deny,
is pulsing, drawing me closer,
so strong I feel dizzy with life.
In the slight glowing darkness,
I can see your eyes shine,
feel your heart beat,
hear the quiet.
Red hazes of the sky,
reflected in the water,
sink below the world,
slowing this moment.
My hand brushes against yours,
and I catch my breath,
as you smile at me,
and take it in your own.
I can't think straight anymore,
my thoughts are dazed,
gravity no longer applying,
as long as I'm falling for you.
The silhouette of the palm tree,
is strong in my mind,
let's climb it and see where we've been,
see where we'll go tonight.
I won't look down now,
not while your looking into my eyes,
moving closer still,
just say it and I will,
I love you.
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
This is beautiful! I love this poem so much
You've told such a beautiful love story here so wonderfully! I loved the part where you spoke about how the colours were sinking below the world... or something like that 
It gives a sense that this couple is in another world because that is where their love has taken them! Also the stanza that actually speaks abou the silhouette of the palm tree... I love the imagery here; how you've used the palm tree to describe their journey 
A very good piece! I hope that you do well in the competision 
xxx
I really like this poem! I think you captured the image perfectly in your poem, it was really good!
It feels as if,
we are dancing in midair,
spiralling, laughing,
toes skimming the ocean. Something about the second line just doesn't ring true for me...
The dark sun is setting,
enclosing our love,
holding it close,
and giving faint sparks. Good, but in my opinion, I like the sparks idea, but the enclosing our love seems a little cliche and unrealistic.
The magnetism between us,
that you know you can't deny,
is pulsing, drawing me closer,
so strong I feel dizzy with life. Good!
In the slight glowing darkness,
I can see your eyes shine,
feel your heart beat,
hear the quiet. I like the first three sentances, but the last one ruins it, the first three build up, and then it's just: hear the quiet, try saying something like: Hear the {Waves, his breath,} But I like the senses in this.
Red hazes of the sky,
reflected in the water,
sink below the world,
slowing this moment. Love it! <3 xx
My hand brushes against yours,
and I catch my breath,
as you smile at me,
and take it in your own. ??? Take it in your own ??? I had to re-read this to understand you meant her hand
I can't think straight anymore,
my thoughts are dazed,
gravity no longer applying,
as long as I'm falling for you. Me likey! xD
The silhouette of the palm tree,
is strong in my mind,
let's climb it and see where we've been,
see where we'll go tonight the added word just makes it flow easier, and less choppy.
I won't look down now,
not while your looking into my eyes,
moving closer still,
just say it and I will,
I love you. LOVE THIS! Favourite stanza!