Yellow Walls

by timjim77

Published January 25, 2006

With cream flavored hands,
She rocks her child
In the yellow-lit room
With a lullaby wild.

And the yellow walls
Speak in softer tones
As the babe is weeping
Through its poor bones.

Comments & reviews · 3
Random avatar
lin night
Comment
lin night commented Comment · Jan 27, 2006

The "lullabye" was intentional, was it not? If I understood the poem correctly, it fits quite well.

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2006

fix "lullabye" and fix the rhythm on this line:

Yellow seeps through its bones.


otherwise, it was very good. i didn't catch the entire meaning, i'm sure, but i enjoyed in nonetheless.
i suppose rhyming poetry is catching on more. this certainly is leaving me behind. :)

User avatar
Angel17
Comment
Angel17 commented Comment · Jan 26, 2006

i like the varied pace. Its slow until the end and then speeds up, it added more of an effect.

Also; lullabye should be lullaby.



Should we not walk? On our feet? The ones I now have again? I do like my feet. They are befittingly perambulatory.
— Pattern (Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson)