Under a tree in a cemetery
I found peace under a rock
Where many have looked before,
Wondering what mystery
May lie beneath a silent slab
As the one beside my foot.
Under green trees and apple air
I found myself alone.
A boy whistling merrily
To a tune that no one knows
And content to watch the clouds drift by
Aimless, as his heart.
Eager to find the part of him
Which is still young and new.
A baby part, with soft
Pink skin, and fingernails,
As small as sparrow’s eyes.
The place which holds the wisdom
That drifts away,
In a sea of memories.
Consciousness sinks into wonder,
And wonder into awe,
Until all is right,
And much is wrong,
Though wrong is stifled
In the gravity of bones.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
change one of the "under"s to "below" or something.
i loved the images in the latter part of the poem, but i think you could have provided a fairer ending. i don't say so because of the rhyming but just because it was sort of predictable.
Then it's unintentional rhyme: I never said it wasn't. All I said was it puts me off from reading it.
"Under a tree, in a cemetery" is not meant to rhyme. The poem is free verse.
The rhyming in "Under a tree, in the cemetery," is cringe-worthy. It just sounds horrible if you say it out loud. I'd take out that as a last line and a first line. However, the main block of the poem is good and reads well. The rhythm is fairly good.
This was my favourite part, i liked the rhythm in these lines.
I did find the rhyming a little off however.
Overall the rest of the poem had really beautiful imagery. Good job!