Published October 5, 2005
Deleted. I don't remember ever being so emo and reading so much Carl Jung.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
cloister is not a word is it? scraping the barrel a little bit if you ask me but it'll do...
Harley and Chevy got most of the critques. So well done.
So good i dont know what else to say
Lol- personally i like Blink-182 and i think they're pretty punk-rocky but never mind
Wow, thanks. I totally agree with you, except on the blink-182 part. haha. it was actually an acoustic song, and while it is not really slow, it is a bit less poppy (or punky) than blink-182. Excuse me if you think blink-182 is not poppy or is heargfelt. Though there's nothing wrong with being poppy or not beong heartfelt, cause that's usually how I write most of my tunes.
It'd be really great with a killer guitar solo after the third chorus. Then the guitars should fade out and all you're left with is a drum beat for the bridge, to set the mood.
The lyrics are pretty cool, except that this part:
The last line is clunky and doesn't fit in with the rhyme scheme; it sounds too cliched for me, and this bit:
The rhyme sounds too forced; you should work on the symbol part on the first line and carry it through to the couplet.
Hope I've helped; the song's pretty Blink-182-ish which is a grrovy style I love, so, yeah, I liked this. And Chevy's right: that string-on-finger verse is great.
Seems like something Trapt or Linkin Park would sing...nothing wrong with that, of course. I think it would be very good with heavy guitars and a double bass. A little screaming would be nice, too. Definitely not a slow song, though.
Lyric wise, very...different...but that's what the industry is looking for. It's not a song that you could make it with on a first album, but maybe if you were to get like Nine Inch Nails or Beck (basically, the point of where you're so famous and filthy rich you can do whatever the heck you want to do) I think the song would do very well.
"Bridge:
The night is young
The night is Carl Jung
The night is Carl G. Jung"
I loved the Bridge the most even though I don't know who Carl G. Jung is (should I know?).
Well, actually now that I've read it again...this is the best part:
"I tie a string around my finger
And try not to cry
When I forget why"
Darn, Timjim--I should steal that!