Published January 31, 2006
I bid Remembrance a rough farewell
And hope that She will beckon me
For I would miss the way She’d tell
Of fading past’s mortality.
We had once laughed at cogs of time,
Mistaking it for needless action
Yet now the gravity of our crime
Returns to us with bold distraction.
Had we been but wiser youths,
She in her prime, I in mine,
We could have scavenged for the truths
That led us to the Narrow Line.
I bid Remembrance a rough farewell
The cost of farewell haunting me
For I do miss the way she’d dwell
Between Malice and Sincerity.
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Hmm... This is a little hard to understand. I really like the style you've written it in.
I think it makes the poem... more... interesting, the way you've capitalized She, in showing that... this person you are talking about is signifigant in some way.
"I bid Remembrance a rough farewell"
What a beautiful line.
We could have scavenged for the truths
Seemed kind of out of place and kind of took the poem into another direction.
"And as we walked the rigid route
She turned about as if to smile
But the Tempest turned her about
We went from One into an aisle."
I like this but the only problem is, "route" and "about" don't rhyme for everyone since some people pronounce "route" like "root."
(I don't though, so it made perfectly good sense to me)
Overall, like I previously stated, "I bid Remembrance a rough farewell" is such a beautiful line...breathtaking, really and that's what made the poem. What inspired you to use that?
i loved the entire poem. well... okay: great rhyme, not forced at all, and perfect rhythm. the ending was perfect and beautiful and all ZING! (if that makes any sense). but the second to last stanza seemed a bit awkward right here:
i understand it, but it was worded very...odd.
otherwise, this was great. it was deep, very true, and very poetic.