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Nigeria

by timex282


woke up this early morning 

looked around myself and i keep wondering 

 were we are and were we came from

its being like the  water which takes the shape

it wants to take 

Nigeria the giant of Africa

who has stolen its glory

who has bought the beauty of the nation

we sleep and wake up to see that

our nation as being sold to selfless individuals

the so called cabals have stolen the pride of the nation 

the citizens are being betrayed 

thou we have no say 

yet we still have hope 

the rich cry while the mases 

live in peace

peace of loved ones

cry of wealth and influence.

we stand as one we fall as one 

 


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Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:35 am
Sumac wrote a review...



Hello, it’s Sumac here! I can use 1 word to describe this poem already: Great. Not the meaning of it’s fantastic(it is though) but the meaning of a very big scene. It seems like you are writing about a very powerful kingdom. And I can feel the force coming from your poem right into my chest. Suddenly, I feel powerful too. This is a poem that is full of strength, power and also ambition. I really like this poem. It seems like you are very into the emotion of it when you are writing about it. Are You from Nigeria? Because I think you cannot write such emotional poem if you are not living there. Well, I can't really find some mistakes or unsatisfactory parts in this poem. So, good job! Hope my review can help you or encourage you in someways!




timex282 says...


Sumac thanks alot it was really a nice piece of encouragement. Thanks



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Sun Nov 13, 2016 10:00 pm
timex282 says...



The work titled 'Nigeria' is just to give the audience a glimpse as to what happens in the nation.
From the first three lines you get to understand that were the nation is right now happened within the blink of an eye. A state of confusion between the citizens and it's government. The country moves in any direction its being thrown to.
Line six tells you Of the nation's pride and how it had gone all because of the greed of the government. The people have no choice but to follow and hope for the best. While the people are hoping for better world as the rich cry for more wealth line nineteen. The last stanza shows how strong we can as being encouraged by Our motto 'United we stand divide we fall'




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Sun Nov 13, 2016 8:48 pm
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Sheyren wrote a review...



Hey there! Sheyren here to review this poem! Now, I don't know a whole lot about the southern hemisphere (for some reason I can name every country in northern continents but know little to nothing about the southern continents... Except Australia, cause that's like three countries. I should really work on that), so I won't really focus on the content. I'll focus not he grammar.

First thing is that you never split things into stanzas. I see this a lot, and it makes the story all blend into one mass. Poems kind of need to have some splits. So, uh, yeah.

You also have basically one run on sentence with no capitalization, except for Africa, so maybe I'd suggest changing that.

Other than that, great poem, with very minor problems! Great work!

-Sheyren




timex282 says...


Thanks Sheyren am greatfull I appreciate the time and effort taken to review my poem. I will take note of my faults



Sheyren says...


Anytime!



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Sun Nov 13, 2016 8:43 pm
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Sheyren says...






Sheyren says...


Sorry, that kinda glitches into existence.



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Fri Nov 11, 2016 4:36 pm
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ZeldaIsSheik says...



I totally agree with this poem! I liked it a lot, and I really think that you could do a lot with this poem. Did you write this because you live in Africa? It feels to real and relatable to be from someone without some sort of experience. Thank you for sharing this with us!




timex282 says...


Yes I did wrote it in Africa precise am based in Nigeria



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Fri Nov 11, 2016 4:07 pm
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Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, Timex282!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I've seen some political poetry about Nigeria/the Nigerian Government before. I don't know very much about foreign politics, so I may not be sharing my opinions on this poem, since I don't have much knowledge on the subject to do so.

I feel as if this poem starts off with a choppy opening, and after reading it all the way through, there sadly isn't very much improvement. I suggest maybe adding some commas throughout the poem, that way you let the reader know when there is a stop. Judging from grammar issues and things like that, I'm going to assume English isn't your first language; not to mention a few lines don't make much sense.

cry of wealth and influence.

In here is, voila, the only period in the entire poem. This is inconsistent. I either suggest making punctuation consistent (with some exceptions), or remove the punctuation altogether (also with some exceptions). In this case, speaking from my previous critique, I feel as if in this case some punctuation wouldn't hurt, and would improve the poem's flow tremendously.

I'm actually really curious as to what the current situation in Nigeria is, because if this is directed toward a specific event, I'm currently unaware of it.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




timex282 says...


Indeed it was really helpful I really appreciate it. I will take note of ur corrections and I hope to receive more from u



timex282 says...


Indeed it was really helpful I really appreciate it. I will take note of ur corrections and I hope to receive more from u




It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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