Young Writers Society

9 is long yes but 10 isn't anyone actually have any opinions?

Chapter 9: Home isn’t where the heart is! Don’t believe the hype!

Seriously, I don’t know where that damn phrase came from. There is only one place the heart is, and that is in your body. That is it, fuck the metaphorical bullshit. The heart could be up your ass for all I care. I think what the phrase really means is the hospital. Because hearts are kept there for patients in case of transplants or something. I mean, if it meant your house, where would the heart be kept? In the freezer? Is it another word for family? Because I will tell ya something, my family didn’t mean shit to me anymore. I still believe all this stuff even after, well…. that comes later. This is probably the most important thing that has happened to me during this whole ‘adventure’ or whatever the Hell you want to call it. Soon I am gonna call it Hell. Thank God I got out of it. But anyway, so yeah, I decided to fly back home, I set the autopilot up to take me, so I could visit and see how my friends and family were doing back home. I’m such a darling nice person, aren’t I?

Nothing much important happened on the trip back. Same old, same old, just sat there day after day, waiting for it to come into view.

This all gets a little freaky and strange. But seriously would you think anything less from this story?

As soon as I landed back on Tylon, I felt the atmosphere change from happy to bad. I already knew the evilness afoot on the planet, but it felt like the people weren’t happy like they were when I was last here.

Straight as I stepped out of the ship I felt a much stronger vibe, no one was being themselves on this planet anymore. I got up from my chair, picked up my chainsaw and walked out of the ship onto the planet. I walked towards my palace. MY palace. But alas when I got there, it no longer stood. In its place was a black castle - it looked like pure evil and this was just from the outside. I walked around to find the door, but there was nothing. So I did what I could: I started up my chainsaw and dug it into one of the walls.

“OY,” someone shouted from behind. “You don’t do that to King Joey’s castle, asshole! We will have your head for this!”

“Will you really?” I asked turning around. The looked at my face and ran off back to their hiding place. “Good idea,” I said snarling at them. I turned back to where my chainsaw was and started it up again. Finally breaking through the wall, I walked in.

If you think the outside was evil, dear Lord, the inside was even too evil for me, and that is saying something. By evil I mean, that the whole place looked clean, it looked perfect. Nothing was dirty, nothing was left anywhere on the ground. It was disgustingly evil. “YOU HAVE BEFOULED MY PALACE! THIS IS A PURE DISGRACE! I WILL GET MY REVENGE!” I screamed in utter disgust.

Naturally I got knocked out by someone behind me. I have been knocked out too many damn times these days, haven’t I, and it really is starting to piss me off beyond belief!

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“CAN YOU GUYS STOP KNOCKING ME OUT? FUCKING FIGHT ME LIKE MEN, NOT PUSSIES! IT’S REALLY STARTING TO GET ON MY NERVES AND I SWEAR THE NEXT ONE TO KNOCK ME OUT, I WILL MAKE SURE YOU’RE TORN INTO SO MANY PIECES EVEN THE TREES WILL GET SCARED!”

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“Ok, that’s it, Skenter, start running!” I said sitting up knowing from the way the blow hit me, the second time, that it was Skenter who dealt it. I looked around to see my office had been turned into an even more evil looking place – so clean. I started to cry, “My beautiful palace! Turned into a clean mockery. You sons of bitches! You will pay for this! My beautiful palace!” I repeated these words through tears for a couple of minutes. I didn’t care I was crying, they destroyed my beautiful palace. ASSHOLES THEY ARE.

“Joey can you come take care of this thing sitting here? Seriously it is starting to piss me off.”

“Yes, your highness, it would be a true pleasure destroying this thing. I apologize for my robots, I thought they would be smart enough, but they completely ruined the plan.”

“Well, you paid for that, didn’t you? Just like I said you would!”

“Yes, I did your highness. I promise this time will be better, I have made sure of that.” I turned around to see who was talking; it was, as I suspected, Joey and Amy. I knew they were bad, but Amy was actually discussing casually, with my best friend, about me getting destroyed. This was as strange as strange can be. Not the strangest thing that has ever happened to me, but still very close. However, I just smiled as if nothing was happening, I still don’t know why. I think I was thinking about dropping the two of them in lava, after smashing them into little bits of dust. Coincidently, well, I don’t want to ruin it, just read on.

Amy looked at me, smiling, her eyes full of hate. “Why in God’s name, is he smiling? He must know that we have won, I always knew you were a fucking maniac, Tigs, but smiling before your own death? Ok, whatever. Take him away, ok?” she said to Joey. Stupid woman. I mean, they always say that and, well, this always happens, I mean WTF. Joey clamped the usual chains around me and dragged me out the door.

When we were out, he lifted me on his shoulder and started walking down the stairs. “This isn’t going to end the way you think it is, Joey, I mean, it probably is, but not in the good way that you are thinking. You know it is inevitable that I am going to win. Within twenty minutes, my friend, you will be dust and so will Amy. The whole planet will be destroyed by me, lava and my beautiful chainsaw.”

“Tigs, don’t try to sound like a hero. You do know sometimes that the bad guys win. The good guys only win in books and movies and as we are in neither I think you have a very good chance of death,” he said trying to sound brave, himself, but even for a second I could see a glint of fear in his eyes as we carried on downstairs.

We continued without talking the rest of the way and finally came to a rest at the lab. Joey dropped me on the ground and walked over to the safe. He, after opening the safe, bought out a bottle of something. “This here is what is going to destroy you.” he said grinning. I sighed and just looked at him happily. He walked up to me, clearly surprised at my smile. Taking the top off the bottle, he bent down and held my face still. As he tipped the bottle down, I kneed him in the nuts. Snapping the weak chains, seriously they are never strong, I grabbed the bottle and smashed it over his head. He screamed and started convulsing on the ground. No, that wasn’t it, he was burning. His skin was actually dissolving off his body. I saw a piece of paper through the shards of glass now lying on the floor. I picked it up and read Lava. No wonder he was scared when I mentioned it. So, it took us over ten thousand years to figure out the only way to really destroy an immortal is lava. I mean, I would call them dumb again, but I would only be repeating myself.

So, when Joey was finally all gone, I decided to go looking for my chainsaw and get this planet to say bye byes. I walked out of the lab and started going into all the rooms, which were all bludey clean. What is it with these people and clean, I mean, seriously, ehhh.

Naturally, I didn’t expect to find it in any room except for the office, my former office that is. So, I walked up, after catching the hint and went in. It was empty - no Amy, no chainsaw. Only a clean room. Looking under everything, I finally heard a noise outside. I looked out the big window towards the village and saw Amy running after people with the chainsaw. Everyone was trying to restrain her, but she seemed much too strong, even without a chainsaw. I moved away from the window, the last thing I saw was her swinging it at all the people, and ran out of the office and started the stairs. “That bitch, using my chainsaw. What is going on? Oh, the Hell with it,” I said to myself as I continued down.

Outside I could still hear people screaming like mental. I could understand how they felt after putting up with this shit for too damn long. I finally reached the bottom floor and walked out a door that wasn’t there when I had first arrived. I exited at a full charge and, despite not being a female hitter; I kicked the chainsaw out of her hands and into mine. “Now, my darling wife, this is going to be the last time you will get to talk to me. Anything interesting to come out of your still sexy mouth?” I asked in a coy voice, chainsaw raised high.

“Haha! You still don’t get it, do you? About time, I mean. The dream I had was real. It has always been real. The reason people talk about time strangely. All warning signs for your death. Your death has always been the point of this. Kill me if you must, but you won’t be able to escape the truth of the future, past and present. Enjoy your last remaining days because they are running out.”

“Uh-huh, that still doesn’t explain anything, bitch” I said, and drove the chainsaw into her and cut her up into dust, yes my own wife. I don’t really regret it, she told me what I wanted to know, but still I didn’t know the truth. Confusing, isn’t it? I looked around me and saw no one, everyone was in their houses. I hate it when they hide. SERIOUSLY. This time I decided to make things a bit interesting. Thanks to Joey for the little, shall we say hint? Yeah, hint, that’s the word. I walked through the village chainsaw roaring loudly, people started screaming as they saw who had the chainsaw now. I just continued through not taking any notice of them.

Once I got through the village, I saw my ship was exactly where I left it. I walked towards it and got in. Dropping my chainsaw and starting the ship up I looked out the window and saw all the people leaving their houses. I flew up high, but not too high, and started flying around the planet looking for it. It took a while, but I finally found it - the volcano! I mean, using a chainsaw is fun, but this had a bit more originality, which is what my massacre needed or else things may get a little stale, ay? I looked at the control pad and found the claw controls. I pushed the button and picked up the volcano, then tipped.

Chapter 10: Not from Tigs Memory Part 5

“Like I expected anything less from him. I seriously hope you do take him out. I mean, this entertainment is fun and everything, but seriously, Ternest, it is starting to annoy me. No man is this damn strong.”

“Yes, my lord, I realize now. Well, I have a plan that can, but hopefully won’t fail. Just give me one last chance, master. I really want to see this guy finished, more than you do.”

“Oh, do you now? Why? Is it because all your plans have failed against him? Do you think it was going to be hard for him to overcome your plans? Stupid rodent. I should’ve squashed you the first time I saw your dumb ass. Just go, and don’t return without his head. I mean, without his head, you will probably be dead, so you won’t return anyway. Hahahaha.”