chapter 6 and 7

just decided to upload 6 and 7 anyway and together as they are too short to be put apart

Chapter 6: The Universe Chainsaw Massacre

I woke up two days later, happy and fully refreshed. I dreamt of destroying all the planets with my ideas, including Tylon. No one was making any sense these days, so no one deserved to be saved from my path of destruction. It was so good to finally get some peace from those mirrors and those people with their warnings and shit. I went out to the cockpit and looked out the window to see that I was half way to a planet. Looking at the map, I saw it was Tislan. “Well, Tislan is going bye-byes very soon,” I smiled to myself.

I sat down in the chair by the window so I could continue to see Tislan coming closer every second. It took over an hour before I finally landed on the surface. I picked up my chainsaw which was lying next to me and walked out to the planet.

It was a jungle type planet, but no animals took home within the jungle. Instead the trees were full of huts. People were walking about the trees from hut to hut on steel bridges. Through the clearing, I could see the biggest hut in the jungle - the palace. It was supported by a large amount of trees. I walked away from the huts, as pure instinct told me to do so.

After I was about forty minutes away, I heard a big roar that actually shook the earth. I knew that it wasn’t an earthquake, no; this was an actual beastly roar. I continued away, further and further, until the jungle ended. What I saw next actually cracked me up.

In front of me was a theme park with dinosaurs. I walked closer to see that the dinosaurs actually weren’t the main attraction. They were eating the humans on rides. And the humans weren’t actually on rides: they were in army type cars. This sort of pissed me off, as I didn’t want the dinosaurs having my fun. “THIS WILL NOT STAND!” I shouted as I started up my chainsaw and rushed forward towards a giant T-Rex, which then spoke.

“Hey guys,” it said with its gigantic mouth, looking sideways to its companions which were all T-Rex’s also. “This guy thinks he is hard shit, trying to destroy this planet before us! We Alopets are taking over this planet, you stupid Tyloneian! Yes,” he said looking at my surprised look “we know you are from Tylon. And we really don’t care, my friend. Ahem, sorry, my enemy. We will destroy you and your planet also.”

Fed up with the trash he was saying I rushed forward with chainsaw, naturally, blazing and yelled, “You stupid dinosaur! If you had a fucking brain, you would know that as I am from Tylon, I am immortal!”

“Oh yeah. Crap!” he said his final words, as I jumped up and bought my chainsaw downwards and drove it into his neck. The severed head fell to my feet and I stepped on it. The face smashed beneath the force of my foot. Looking back up I saw his companions running away and the people were actually following them into the jungle on the other side of me. This caused me to crack up even more. Standing there I saw the final person leave, following the group, screaming like mental.

More roaring erupted from around me, but this time it sounded like all the screams put together. This caused me to roar along with laughter. I love laughing, especially like a complete maniac and at the moment, naturally, I felt like one. To this I pulled out my Ipod (strange I kept it with me all this time, ay?). I went through the tracks and put on Kick- DonkeyPunk!

Starting my chainsaw back up, I licked the blood off the blades. The blades cut through my tongue, but I think I got all the blood in my mouth. “So we wanna play tag, do we? I love tag,” I said grinning evilly. It was like being five years old again, immortals were children once too, you know, but this time tag is being played with chainsaws and the other kids are really the people of this planet and dinosaurs.

Before running off after them, I started to wonder why the king of Wanglang actually said to me that everyone else was happy when the Alopets were attacking Tislan people. I made a mental note of this and then made my way after them into the deeper, darker and scarier looking jungle than the one I recently exited - just how I like it.

I ran in as fast as I could, DonkeyPunk still blaring in my ears. I went deeper and deeper in, until I hit pitch black. Holding my chainsaw in front of me, to make a clear path in the darkness, I kept on running. I ran for an hour, but hit nothing, which confused me. So, I ran back the way I came, until I was back at the edge of the jungle.

Standing on the edge of the jungle, chainsaw held high, I started cutting down every single tree standing. Took me a good five hours but, when I finally got to the very center of the now treeless jungle, I saw my prizes - all the prey standing huddled in a group. Dinosaurs were hugging humans and vice versa. It was such a sweet moment, bought a tear to my eye; how sickening it was. However, this moment also made me grin the biggest, most evil grin I’ve ever grinned. I mean, it wasn’t the whole population, but it was the pussies of the planets all huddled up in one big pile. It was like an ultimate gold mine. What a bunch of idiots. “You guys are a bunch of idiots. I mean, seriously WTF. Fuck it! Bye byes,” I said as I rushed forward, chainsaw held high, and did what I do best. I sliced and diced until they were all little pieces of crap. After this beautiful display of, how should I put it, hilarity? Yes, that’ll I went on a nice peaceful walk to take in the beautiful planet soon to be blown up.

The animals on the planet were beautiful. There were tigers and elephants were helping each other. Now, that was a beautiful sight. It didn’t make me cry but it was, nonetheless, beautiful. There was a beautiful sky, beautiful blue water, which I just had to swim in for a whole day in and the trees that surrounded the non-jungle of the planet, which were like none I had ever seen before; looked perfect. The fruit on them came off ever so gently and tasted absolutely marvellous. I had to take some with me for future eating. In the end, it felt like such a shame that I had to leave and blow up the planet, but what must be done, must be done. And so it was. Well not yet anyway.

After my little look around, on which I found no one, I went back to the jungle: the one I hadn’t destroyed. Do I really have to tell you the rest? Ok, so in I went and brought down all the huts with my chainsaw. Then they all came at me, and like usual I destroyed them all to pieces.

Once that beautiful display of mental-ness was finished, I got back on my ship, flew away for three hours and then sent five Signloid bombs, my own creation, flying towards the planet. And so the beautiful planet was no more. It was not my favorite act of destruction, but it was still fun. Well, the second in the killing spree is not always the best, is it? The first always rules, the second kinda sucks, then the third gets the evilness back to life and then the rest suck. But not in my massacre! Only the second one sucked, I can promise you that. The rest of the story is pure fun, well, kinda fucked up also, but you’ll enjoy it!

Chapter 7: Not From Tigs Memory Part 1

Skillbi walked over the bridge to the cave determinedly, only turning around to make sure no one followed him. But he had no reason to worry. No one noticed him leave the palace, walk through the village still full of drunks from the last nights celebrations, past the watch towers, in which both guards were napping peacefully, also drunk, and then finally over the hill to the bridge.

He was wearing a black cloak, nonetheless, to keep himself hidden from any passerbyers. He knocked on the entrance of the cave four times, each in different places. “Wufingers sinlerd oppoernd,” he said to the entrance, which he also kicked. The top of the cave sprung up and opened with just enough space for a medium sized person to fit. He climbed onto the top and started climbing down the ladder, which was sticking out of the hole, that came to life when he whistled a tune of his own. The now alive ladder, slid him down in perfect speed, so that when he landed he didn’t even have a speck of dust on him.

The only source of light was the hole, which started closing as soon as he hit the floor. Once it finally closed, he was in complete darkness. This did not annoy or anger him, though, as he already knew the way around this maze like it was written in front of his eyes. It is finally time! Number two is down. He smiled as he thought these words. The time will be soon, I know it.

He started along the path only stopping to jump over or duck under something. Once he stopped to look to his right and waved with a cheery smile as he looked in the same spot for five seconds longer then continued on. He sniffed the air every now and then as if he was searching for the smell of someone or something. Suddenly he stopped. He had caught the scent of something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his tuplot gun. He pointed it randomly in front of him and pulled the trigger. A screech erupted from the area he shot at as he continued on his way.

He continued on for five more minutes and suddenly came to a complete stop. He turned to his right and muttered a few words. As he spoke, light started to appear from in front of where he was standing, as a large stone moved backwards into a little room. He walked in and looked around the room, for what was about the hundredth time. It was empty, but as he walked closer to the wall on the right, something came into sight which he bent down to look at. It was a dwarf asleep on a couch. Skillbi looked silently at him. Finally he prodded the dwarf awake. The little man stirred for a minute than looked up.

“Is it time, master?” he yawned in a croaky voice.

“Yes, Ternest, it is time. Do not fail me, my friend. Remember, bring him as an immortal, we can’t risk him dying on us, now can we?”

“No, my lord, I will make sure it is done right, he will be no trouble.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, my little friend.”

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Chapter 7 is not my fave chapter but it is my fave piece of writing, that I wrote, ever as it was pretty much my first ever 3rd person piece of writing and I couldn't find any faults in it at all imo it is perfect