z

Young Writers Society



Beneath a Dying Tree

by tigress5674


A/N: Just a little piece I had to do for English. It's based off this picture I found on DeviantArt (I think??? Ha ha, it's been a while). Any suggestions?

Beneath a Dying Tree

Surrounded by the smell of death,
Fetid and rotting, horribly pungent,
A fairy girl kneels beneath a dying tree,
Weeping quietly.
--
In her hands lies the skull of one lost
to her forever. She remembers the
Curly golden hair that used to frame his
Glowing eyes.
--
Quietly, she whispers through her tears,
"How can this be him? How can he be gone?"
She'd told him not to fight, but fight he did, and
All for nothing.
--
She's at the battlefield now, beneath a dying tree,
The skull feels cold and smooth, slick with tears,
It's almost as if he's crying too, she muses, but no,
He's dead.
--
She bites her lip and sets it down -- sets him down --
Inside his shallow grave, dug with her bare hands.
Carefully, so carefully, she covers him with dirt,
And leaves.
--
The moon continued to shine, and the wind
Continued to blow; the tree continued to die
And her heart continued to break, but she tried to
Move on, and did what he could not, and kept on
Living.


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35 Reviews


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Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:05 pm
tigress5674 says...



Thanks, everyone!!!
@Davidmartin: your comment totally made my day!!! :D
@TheNewHero: I agree with Davidmartin on this; it's definitely an interesting idea. I'm itching to try writing it like that now! I, unfortunately, have a huge paper due which is taking up all my time (speaking of which, I probably should be working on that right now...) but when I finish it, I think I'll try it out! If it's decent, I promise to post it. :D




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Mon Mar 22, 2010 5:40 pm
Davidmartin says...



To 'TheNewHero' -
It's an interesting idea though I don't think it would work. The sight of a grieving woman is by nature much more heart rending than the sight of a man (Personally I'd imagine a man grieving, standing over the grave of his beloved after he had buried her)




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Mon Mar 22, 2010 5:33 pm
Davidmartin wrote a review...



Exquisite. That is all I can think of. It's perfect, I can't think of a flaw. The way the fourth line of each verse sort of summarised the feeling of the verse and the prolonged emotion of the final verse, a bit like 'Solitude' by Alexander Pope (my favorite poem :) ), except it is much sadder, somehow the imagery made me think of 'After Blenheim' by Robert Southey, tragic but unavoidable.

I especially loved the ending -

...Move on, and did what he could not, and kept on
Living


Beautiful!!




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Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:11 am
LookUpThere says...



I really liked this piece but it felt a bit... empty. Just a suggestion: try swapping it around, boy crying instead? *Liked*




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Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:54 am
Forgotpzwrd says...



if i wish not to think rationally, i like the story in its form, the title is definitely catchy, and the darkness to it, my forte! so thumbs up to you!





We are great at fearing the wrong things.
— Hank Green