Published April 23, 2017
Martha
Smoker, drinker, often a liar
But never deserving of having to bury your son
Martha
Mother, sister, never perfect but your troubles undeserved
Never should've had to hold that broken old phone in your palms
And ask the sickly man on the other end
For the price of a brand new coffin that'd match the clothes we'd bury him in
It makes no sense
And never you should've had to go and fill your fingers
With the dirt from the cemetery
And wet it with raining tears
That shouldn't have left your eyes to begin with
Martha
When the home you considered sacred
Turned to cobwebs and silky ashes
Where was I
Nowhere to be found
And for that
The guilt I stand in
Is a lot like quicksand in the rain
Now I'm forever falling
Because I never apologized
Martha
When the thousand cigarettes you threw in the ashes
Came back like a phoenix to gradually kill you
I was too scared to return to Virginia
And look into your dying eyes
Now I'm religious
Without any religion
And I contain a single hope
That past the clouds and the rising sun is not pure darkness
But a new home where you and your son reside
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hey there, Tigeraye,
The narrative of this poem is really accessible, and I find that pleasing. It describes an emotional situation where the narrator has kind of been watching from a distance, and feels guilt at that essential fact. It's especially heart-wrenching because the narrator gives a reason for this failing, and it's so simple: they were "too scared". To be too scared to give any help to a narrative that is clearly heart breaking -- the reader is simultaneously disgusted by and disappointed in the narrator, but also understanding, because fear is a powerful thing.
In terms of the actual construction of the poem, I feel like I would maybe like to see what it would look like without so much use of the "I" -- is there another way this narrative could be described without me needing to be so aware of the narrator from within his/her head? The last paragraph really needs the emotion from the speaker, but would it be less powerful if it were described in third person?
Or maybe it's just the simplicity of the language that makes this feel like a journal/diary rather than a sufficiently sophisticated description of a terrible situation. Could spending more thought on the sentence structure and word choice clean up the language and make it clean enough to enjoy?
I'm really not quite sure which of these techniques would work, but if you're interested you might try both.
Other than that, I enjoy the images of cigarettes in the ashes, the quicksand, and the idea of just finding this hope in one's own failing -- to be sad and hopeful for the rest of one's life.
I hope these thoughts are somewhat helpful to you! If you have questions/comments about my review, please PM me or reply here. Thanks for sharing, and good luck!
Hannah
I love this poem. The first stanza sounds like Martha is being described in a negative and bad way (somker, drinker and often a liar). The way I interpret the third line of the first stanza is like Martha didn't want to bury her dead son because of the three words used to describe her.
The third stanza is like her home was abandoned, hence the:
"When the home you considered sacred
Turned to cobwebs and silky ashes"
The last stanza is like Martha and her son are now in heaven.
It's nice. I like it.