Young Writers Society

Hello

I liked this short story. It had a good message in it, something everyone should know. And I found it interesting that of all the things their reflection could have said, it decided to say this.

I also like how the reflection wanted to say several things, but didn't, because the person would figure it out on their own. The fact that she had to tell the person that she was beautiful meant that was something the reflection believed she wouldn't be able to figure out themselves. Which was interesting, and shows how important this message can be.

It was short and to the point, but it was well written, and a lovely message. I don't think there is much more you can want from a piece of writing ^^ So well done there. I also liked the ending where you separated being happy from having a glow. It was a nice thing towards the end, and I kind of found myself hoping it would've been expanded upon. Just to add to the story!

Keep writing

Deanie x

Good morning thewriterinside! Here to review your work for review day & of course anything for a fellow green lantern.

I will review as I read so that it will make a little more sense to both me and you. I tend to ramble off point otherwise.

Here goes!

“But that was something you had to figure out for yourself.” - I think that this is very clever and something that the reader can immediately relate to. I have a younger sister and she reallu doesn't listen to a word I say when I suggest, "you really don't have any worries at this age, you know!" She just tells me to shut up. haha.

“Try to be happy. I know you can do it; I’ve seen you happy. I’ve seen you smile-but not just that. I’ve seen you glow. Find that glow again. You can do it.” - I really love this line. It made me smile and my heart bleed at the same time. You have a wonderful way with words, girl.

Overall - I think that this is a really good concept to work on! It's definitely original as I haven't written or read anything like this on YWS before. The only criticism I have is that I wish it was longer! You could have even stretched it out to someone looking into mirror when they're nearing the end of their life. That way, you could have packed a ton more mini stories within.

Hope this helped!

Olive <3

Hi writersdream!

Okay so I really liked the concept of all of this. I mean, people always find themselves talking to their reflection in the mirror, but to have it talk back is something that's really interesting. I like how the reflection has really taken on the role of a person, perhaps the actual person's other half. You've used some good ideas here, and obviously this is something that would be quite hard to write about, so well done for giving it a go!

One problem I found with this is that the majority of the sentences all started with 'I'. It gets a bit boring to read after a while if it's just the same thing over and over again. This might be quite hard to tackle considering there's not much else you could start with. But for example rather than saying 'I've seen you smile' you could start it with 'your smile' or 'the smile' so that it varies it all a bit.

Also all of these sentences are really really short and snappy, and usually that's more appropriate with some sort of action scene. Again this is about varying how you write and try and lengthen your sentences a bit more to make it a bit different. You could either try joining up the sentences you have already, or maybe make your sentences a bit more descriptive. Right now this piece isn't as descriptive as it should be. I mean with this sort of subject you should really be trying to go into detail about facial features, and make-up and stuff like that.

My final point is that although the concept is good, the whole idea is a bit cliche. I'm not saying people shouldn't feel this way about themselves, because I'm sure everyone has felt like this at one point or another, but I almost feel like I've read this before. Maybe you could try and put your own spin on it a bit more and if you want make it more personal to read. I tell you that would actually make this more interesting and engaging to read and perhaps make the readers feel more emotion.

Considering you whipped this up in a night, this is really good! You've talked about something that a lot of people can relate to which is good. Next steps would be work on trying to vary your sentences a bit more and add in some more descriptions! I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.

Keep writing!
~ArcticMonkey x

Hi there,

This piece is quite good, and I think everyone needs to hear the message and some point or another in their lives. I live around so much negativity in other people my age, and it's nice to know that there is still some optimism and hope in this world.

I'm not sure what it is about mirrors, but looking at my reflection can both calming and irritating, depending on how I'm feeling. And considering the context of your piece, I'd like to see more, content-wise, regarding that duality. This is well-written and I don't have any qualm about it otherwise, but it feels a little too peachy for me. I would also go into a little bit more specifics so the narrator doesn't feel like a blank slate we can insert ourselves onto. Let us see our own struggles in the struggles of another character.

Good luck with this!

Heyyyy!!! Leo here to review:-)

Sylvia path "Mirror".....this piece of yours reminds me of it...the thing i liked about it is that it is simple, straight with no deviations and in a plain manner...I know you are expressing the view of the "reflection" in this piece so it is quite interesting...She is addressing you...

I call this kind of writing "Reflection" where you draw the reader and make him/her the protagonist of the story rather than someone fictitious...But not exactly in the same manner as yours...in this kind of writing you address to the reader and make them the protagonist by referring to them...You can go through a work of mine which I'll be publishing shortly here...

One more thing i liked is this line,

"Okay, I know you’re a little surprised, but please close your mouth. Try to relax." a very smart use of this line, which i would definitely like to appreciate...You not only describe the the events going on in the story, but you also catch up the emotions going through the character....Nice job...

Thank you:-)