Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your piece in the green room and decided to bump it out!
I thought this article was well written and informative! I liked the way the information was presented and I thought the flow of the article was very cohesive and comprehensive.
My favorite thing about this piece was the way it progressed. I think you had a very clear path between each subject you covered. I always find that transitions are hard when writing news stories, but I think you utilized them very well. Nice work!
One thing I wondered about was the way you presented the quotes. To me, it got repetitive a lot. I think that the quotes should be used to elaborate on the information you state in the other parts of the article. The way you have it now, you're just repeating the information. It's basically like reading the same paragraph twice. I think that perhaps you could maybe go back and think about how you want to present the information: through the body of the article, or through a quote. That way, you aren't repeating information. You can also repeat information, but only if it's the most important points. If you repeat everything, it just feels a little boring and unnecessary.
Specifics
"I believe I have no competition. I am my own competition. I seriously don't have any other projects. Stick to ⅔ sources of income. My main focus is currently the watch business," Watch Meister details.
"This is where I began and within the couple of months of trading, I have become very successful from my trades," Watch Meister explains.
Generally, with quotes, the most accepted form of dialogue tag is simply "said" in the journalism world. I don't know what your intention with this article is, but if you're aiming to see it published in a more professional setting, I'd recommend changing all the dialogue tags to "said."
As he puts it, the business idea was a no brainer for the Watch Meister.
I think this would be better if you put quotes around the term "no brainer." It's a little informal for a news story, and since it was in the words of the Watch Meister, I think you should put quotes around it.
Overall: nice work! I'm excited to see what other writing you come up with!
Points: 68440
Reviews: 608
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