Young Writers Society

I'm going to print off a copy of this one too. When you're done with it, accourding to one of the above posts your going to add to it. Let me know if this is it, if not when you're done. It reminds me of a poem by Robert Frost. Don't remember what it's called though. Don't see any spelling or gramatical errors.
This one is also very relatible. Good job.

The poem was grate, teaches morals. It is happy peace. But their was a problem

I am like a roadway
Going every which way

you ryhme only once. If you want to do a not ryhmeing poem then dont even poot 2 lines that ryhme especially in the begging.

other wise good poem.

I really liked the peace.Your song or poem brings moral.But it is to short even though I have a short poem I still like long songs and poems. I dont why but still Igive you a star.

Thanks for all of your suggestions!! I see your points. I knew it needed a lot more of something, so thanks for clarifying what

Cheers!
-thevoiceinside

I like it, and it's you use good descriptive words in some places.

I'm not sure about your rhyming. Or if this is a type of poem sort-of thing. [idk]

I am like a roadway
Going every which way

Hello and welcome to YWS!

I think this is such a good idea, and by expanding and editing it you could make this into something great. So it's definitely a good start.

The third stanza is the odd one out. It breaks the flow by being longer than the other ones.

Do right? Do left?

All in all I think this piece could be a little more... I would love to see imagery, some nice pictures being put our heads from the words that should be flowing in this poem. I liked the idea the poem was giving off, but other than that I think it should be revised a little bit.

thevoiceinside wrote:Do right? Do left?

First off, welcome to YWS! Just so you know, we ask that everyone does at least two reviews for every poem/story they post. Therefore, please do four reviews before posting another work.

Okay, now on to the piece. I liked how you compared yourself to a road, but I think you could take it a step further. I'd add imagery like Krupp suggested by describing what kind of road you are. Are you a highway? A dirt road? A busy city street? Are you well-traveled or pretty much dead? Are there lots of trees near you or none at all? You can use these different images to suggest a more powerful image.

Your ending left me a bit confused. You said you're like a roadway...so you can't stay here? Um, funny thing about roads is... they stay put. Ever seen a road pick up and move itself? That, plus your earlier descriptions about adventure and thrill, suggest a car going down said roadway rather than the road itself. Perhaps that would be more fitting.

Also, you could use a little more punctuation to help out the flow.

Overall, if you make the comparison stronger, this could be really good. Keep writing!

This is a good start....

The only thing I really would've liked to see more of was imagery; in fact, that felt like it was almost completely missing from the piece. If a bit of imagery was inserted, this piece would be even better.

But that's about all I can see that needs any improvement. A decent piece. Not bad.