Published August 30, 2008
I saw you one day and your profound beauty caught my eye.
I want to be with you until the day that I die.
I love the color of your eye and how it resembles the sky.
When, I see people abuse you it makes me cry.
I wonder why you can’t be with me.
Will we ever be?
I want to unlock your heart and set it free.
I need you to carry me through.
You’re beautiful; yes it’s true.
I am and will forever be in love with you.
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141,475 Literary Works • 674,498 Reviews
i loved this poem, but the rhyming scheme was off.
some lines flowed and were long while others were short
but other than that, great job!
It's quite cute, but the rhyming is a little obvious - eye, sky, cry, die, me, be, free, etc. You touch on some good ideas, but you touch them...and then you leave them. I think the eye resembling the sky part would be good if it was worded slightly differently, but eye makes it sound like she only has one. It's a good start, but your ideas need to be expanded on, more description, more detail, tell us more about the girl, give us some examples. Keep writing.