remember when yellow tinted light dusted cheekbones,
and black knit sweaters covered skin,
when showers where afternoon activities, necks were laced with fake gold or cheap silver, and when peace sounded like the steady breathing of an old dog,
remember when adventure tasted like cheap bottles of alcohol and fear sounded like a missed call from your mother,
when happiness was pink stained lips smiling widely at screens, or candy from the store behind your house,
remember headaches from bumpy bus rides and two hour long naps on the couch in your living room,
and conversations on my kitchen counter to the sound of the television and the smell of baking banana bread,
do you remember when life was easy, life was good
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140,778 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
This is great, honestly, I have to say that first...
I noticed you missed a few commas and periods but I feel like it made it better.
This makes me think of my childhood, warm sweaters, long bus rides, I love this.
I always think of childhood as christmas. For some odd reason.
I'm nostalgic now thanks haha
Keep writing, Isabell.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I notice is that a few places are missing commas, periods and things alike. Those lines, the ones needing periods would be "and black knit sweaters covered skin", "remember when adventure tasted like cheap bottles of alcohol and fear sounded like a missed call from your mother" and "and conversations on my kitchen counter to the sound of the television and the smell of baking banana bread. Otherwise, the flow was good and I liked the last line the best, it really added a punch to the poem. It made it seem even more serious, more urgent.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, if that they, if you remembered when life was simpilier. When there was no taxes, no annoying co-workers and no deep, dark and haunting thoughts. When life was bliss. You ask us if we know or remember when life was easy, when we didn't have a clue as to what society wanted from us and when we didn't have to suffer from those dark thoughts. You are asking us, telling yourself if you remember when things were fine. Can you remember? That question plays a lot in your head, no? Like a broken record.
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanksgiving! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Hey thanks!! i haven't added any periods for poetic effect! im trying to express nostalgia in the most authentic way can (not only through words)- hazey, undefined and incoherent because of time. i have added a few commas so it's easier to read though! thanks again
I love this poem! There is a lot of truth in it. A shame that when we were living those times we didn' t really appreciate just how precious they were. The only part that I had trouble imagining is the cheekbones being dusted with yellow light. I'm sure it has a meaning to you but draws a blank from me.
I could suggest traditional punctuation such as periods, commas, and hyphens but that is entirely up to the poet so I won't.
Great poem which elicits a feeling of deep nostalgia.