Two Wrongs Really Don’t Make a Right

Two Wrongs Really Don’t Make a Right

The Dilema

I’m fucked, well and truly. I don’t even think there’s a word how royally I’ve screwed up. I am essentially a walking corpse.

It’s not as if I’m sexually deprived, no more than any other guy my age. I’m not a horny delinquent; I can keep it in my pants and I’m quite proud of that fact. However, I think that meeting someone you like, someone you hit it off with, someone that you eventually find yourself sexing up in your apartment is okay. I don’t believe it’s morally wrong. I don’t think that I deserve to rot in hell for that. But maybe it would have been better if I had; maybe it would have stopped me completely fucking up the only relationship I thought worth keeping.

Believe it or not, I’m not great at making friends. Maybe it’s my smart mouth or my inclination for overly loud opinions. Maybe it’s because I cry whenever I watch the end of Battlestar Galactica or maybe it’s because I sometimes cuddle up on my couch with a bear shaped heat bag when I feel myself getting close to having a panic attack.

I can think of a hundred more reasons why I’d be the last person you’d want to hang around with; which could be why I only have two real friends, only one of which actually likes me.

Samuel J. Rennic is the other one. I can’t say he hates me exactly; he obviously liked me enough to ask that I renovate the bar he bought four years ago.

This leads me, inadvertently, to why I’m so fucked.

About a week ago I’d gone to see Sam after work. He had been standing behind his bar, polishing a glass when I’d walked in.

Sam’s bar is like a home away from home; it’s warm and familiar and so clearly loved. He takes good care of everyone who comes through, except for me that is. After managing to push through the crowd, stepping on one or two toes on the way, I reached him.

Sam ignored me as I slid into the red leather bar stools, as was his custom.

“Hello?” I leant up and waved my hand in front of his face until his narrowed brown eyes flicked my way.

“I thought you had work till twelve tonight,” he sighed heavily, putting down the glass to roll his large shoulders. It’s actually quite amazing the various ways he is able to get his irritation across.

I smiled at him and shrugged a little as I crossed my arms. “I wanted to see you.”

“You never want to see me,” he grunted, grabbing another glass to shine. “I don’t have time for your shit tonight Rick; I’ve got a party in the room upstairs.”

My eyes swung up to the ceiling as I wondered how loud it was going to get in here. “A birthday party?”

“Yeah,” he replied, shaking his shaggy black hair from side to side. “God damn lady had the gall to say she wanted the place carpeted for the event! Carpeted! Yeah, I’m gonna’ carpet my damn bar ‘cause you want a better atmosphere.”

I snorted slightly, reaching out to toy with the coaster next to me. “Sounds like a handful.”

“I’ll say,” Sam agreed, putting away the glass and throwing the cloth over his shoulder. “Anyway, go bother someone else for a while; I should go make sure the food is happening. Shane, get behind the bar!”

He walked off, his great frame squeezing past his blond replacement with a little difficultly before he disappeared into the kitchen.

Breathing in a sigh, I swung on the stool and looked around for some more company.

It was then I saw her.

She was stunning, with long brown hair swaying around the middle of her back, the curling tresses looking like they were individually glossed.

Grinning to myself, I let the coaster drop back to the counter and slipped off the stool.

I went up and talked to her. Her face definitely fit her personality – beautiful. Beautiful, smart, funny, easy going… the list goes on.

We talked, laughed, drank and finally, she (Jess as I found out) came over to my place and we spent the night together.

The end.

Or so I thought.

A few days later, my other friend James Brighton asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend. Me and James have been friends since high school and I will admit for the sake of this story, that I have more than a minuscule crush on him.

Anyway, it wasn’t like I thought his girlfriend was non-existent but James had the habit of getting with someone then breaking up with them before I ever met them. I wanted this time to be different. I wanted my friend to be happy and I wanted him to not have a bitch for a girlfriend.

Of course I had to go and fuck it all up for him. I’ll probably end up shattering him like poor Obi-wan in Revenge of the Sith when Anakin turns to the dark side.

I think there should be a special sort of hell reserved for people like me. Not that I think that I deserve special attention but while murdering is all well and good (or not in this case) betraying your friend is the epic no-no’s of no-no’s. One I mistakenly crossed.

Now I was sitting in James’s lounge-room making weird wide eyes at, that’s right, Jess-No-Last-Name from the other week while Mr. Oblivious is chatting away excitedly.

Oh fuck.

I should tell him. Just tell him I slept with his girlfriend and get it over and done with. When I try to indicate this to Jess though, she just gives me this tight-lipped, wide eyed shake of her head.

James startled me as he laughed at something that Jess had said and she joined in, smiling as James with a sickly sweet smile.

I couldn’t help staring at the two of them as I tried to wrap my head around this situation. James was kneeling by the coffee table in front of his tea set while preparing tea and smiling adoringly at Jess who sat on my favourite worn leather armchair.

“Here you go Rick.”

I must have zoned out because it seemed James had already made my tea and had the small cup and saucer held out to me. I stared at his brilliant smile, watching him blink a little, dark blond lashes fluttering over bright blue eyes and I can’t move; I’m stiff like a statue. Blink and you die.

Sorry, Doctor Who reference completely inappropriate.

I leaned away from him unconsciously but I was practically off the couch already, hands on either side of my legs, which were firmly pressed together in some sort of unconscious attempt to proclaim my innocence.

‘I’m sorry; I’ll keep my penis in line. It was completely not my fault!’ – that sort of thing.

“Rick?” He raised a brow in confusion at my silence and I glanced helplessly at Jess who just glared at me over his shoulder, those hazel eyes that had laughed with me at the bar now threatening to kill me with the tea cup clutched in her white fingered grip.

I don’t know how she would do it, but it’d be violent and bloody.

“T – tea?” I finally managed to squeak out.

Laughing, he pressed it towards me, both clearly amused and confused by my weird behaviour. “Of course it’s tea.”

It took me a moment longer, but I finally manage to get movement into my body and I smiled weakly as I grasped the fine bone China set between my shaking fingers.

The smell of roast chicken was slowly starting to travel into the small room from the oven and I silently prayed that the timer went off so I had an excuse to leave the room.

“You okay?” James asked in concern, sliding into an armchair next to Jess.

Nodding, I just sipped my tea, desperate to get the focus away from me. Thankfully, James is a complete idiot.

“Jess, did you tell Rick about the job you got at the primary school?”

Of course James knew that she hadn’t told me, but he probably just wanted us to get along. Way too late for that.

Jess smiled thinly, her eyes crinkling in what I assume was meant to be an adorable way, but just made me feel physically ill. It reminded me of the way she laughed at something I said at the bar, placing her hand over mine.

For a moment, instead of overwhelming guilt presenting itself in the form of a terminal stomach ulcer, I felt angry. Angry because she deceived me, because James was my friend and she had still clearly been dating him when she decided to have her midnight tryst with me. It only lasted a moment though, because once again I was reminded of the fact that I still fucked her. I should have checked the facts. I should have asked if she was seeing anyone – I had just assumed… yeah, and that’s what got me into trouble in the first place.

Great.

“No,” Jess replied to James, laughing lightly before turning to me. “I got a job at Pine Hill Primary school. I’m their new music teacher!”

I actually did know that, she had told me half-way through our third drink. I remember because she had asked me what I did and I had to find some way to fancy up working stacking boxes at a supermarket.

This was impossible. Placing down my tea, I turned slightly to James, readying my breath. I had to get this out; “Ja--”

“James,” Jess cut in, “I was thinking we should rent a movie. What do you say?”

James seemed surprised by the abrupt shift in conversation but nodded. “You know, Rick and I can--”

“No,” Jess smiled at him, dipping her tone lower and sexier as she said, “There’s no need for you to go anywhere.”

James flushed in embarrassment, glancing awkwardly at me before trying again, “But--”

She laughed, waving him off as she stood to grab her keys. “It’s okay, Rick and I can grab the movies, you just finish getting whatever masterpiece you have in the kitchen done.”

Nodding, James stood. “Alright. But Rick?”

I winced, stopping to pause at the door.

“Make sure you don’t just get what you want. I think Jess’ll get a little bored watching stuff like Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, even if you get the cartoon version.”

I knew James was joking with me, but right now it was like everything he said just stabbed me with the guilt of what we did. He clearly liked this girl and I screwed it up.

“Right,” I replied with a weak smile, quickly ducking out of the door in the hopes he didn’t see it.

Jess was already down the stairs of the apartment building and I had no choice but to follow her down, finally buckling myself in beside her in her tiny red car.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she snapped at me, hazel eyes flashing furiously. “Why are you here?”

“Wh – what the hell am I doing? What are you doing? He’s my friend. Aren’t you even going to--”

“No!” She pushed stray hairs back from her face in irritation, leaning toward me as she spoke. “What happened stays between us.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were dating!” I growled angrily. “He – James deserves better.”

I’m the complete dumbass for not piecing it together. James had told me his girlfriend’s name was Jess – Jessica Felton. Maybe if I had bothered to learn her name before I just went ahead and banged her I could have avoided all of this.

Guilt flashed through Jess’s eyes before she retorted, “He’s friend’s with you isn’t he?”

I jerked back a little in surprise. Well I wasn’t the best friend ever, but it wasn’t like I didn’t try. “I wouldn’t have slept with you if I knew you were dating him,” I said.

“You sure?” she asked viciously, her nails gently walking up my arm in what was meant to be, I think, a sultry move.

Shuddering – in disgust, pleasure, I don’t know – I pressed up against the door, fingers going for the buckle. “I don’t even – don’t touch me.”

I was stepping out of the door as she threw out after me, “He told me all about you. What a poor, poor baby you are, how you’re a mess, how you need him so much. He thinks of you like a puppy, you aren’t his friend. You can barely look after yourself. You don’t have any friends.”

I swallowed over the pain in my throat, tears prickling my eyes as I walked away, back straight.

“Don’t kid yourself, you’re a ruined product!” She slammed the car door behind me, the sound of it making me jump slightly.

I heard the engine start but kept walking. Yeah, I was fucked.