As if I were invisible, you ignored me.
But the day came when you bloomed like a flower.
You were beautiful, the most beautiful flower I'd ever seen.
But you withered, got blown by the wind, and fell to the ground.
What had happened to you?
Your beauty was erased,
as if it had never been seen.
But, although you were withered,
your beauty was still there,
locked deep down inside of you...Why can't you let it show?
Now, as I blossom into my own flower,
you've moved on....But have I?
Have I forgotten your beauty that once shined like the stars in the midnight sky?
No, the beauty will always stir inside of me,
even as I rest in peace.
-thestorygirl & RedHairedWonder 
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Hi thestorygirl
I really like this. Very original and interesting. When I first saw it I thought it was just going to be a simple description of a flower, but it actually it is a very bittersweet story with a lot of interesting ideas.
My favourite lines are
"As if I were invisible, you ignored me.
But the day came when you bloomed like a flower."
The only thing I would change is the second stanza. I don't think the use of rhyme does anything for this poem. It also does not seem as lyrical as the first.
Besides that good job.
A rather brilliant poem it actually reminded of "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost it lamented the sorrow of beauty lost and how it's some what inevitable but it's always just buried never truly gone. Like the sun rise or the sun set it may be gone but eventually it will once again illuminate the sky with it's beauty, brilliant truly this poem was brilliant.
Hey Storygirl,
I really like this piece! You have a very original, flowing style to your poetry, and the emotions you convey are extremely vivid. Although, maybe this is just because I'm not interpreting this poem correctly, but I'm not sure from what perspective you are writing this from.
These opening lines make me think that you are a parent talking to your child.
However, when I read these lines, I start to think that maybe you are talking to a past love.
Aside from this (especially since it may be my fault that I'm not reading this correctly), this poem is great. Keep up the good work!
-Alex
the more of your work I see the better it seems to get. You are really talented. This is a beautiful poem, quite gripping and very creative a combo with which one can never go wrong. Not a single bad comment from me.
my favourite lines:
"Now, as I blossom into my own flower,
you've moved on....But have I?"
Keep it up. Bravo!
xx Upile xx
Wow! I absolutely love the emotion conveyed in this poem. It portrays a life experience many of us go through. I especially love the lines,
The rhythm was great and when you say this poem aloud it flows melodiously.
In
I don't really think 'beautiful' needs to repeated here. Maybe you could try just writing the second part of the line, 'the most beautiful flower I'd ever seen' and in the line after that maybe you could describe the beauty? Besides this tiny detail, I honestly thought the poem was fantastic. Excellent work