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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
five months of loving you, @avimoon, and many more to come <3
[title is from daylight by taylor swift]
i'm cryingggg, baby, this is beautiful, i love you so much <3333333 *hugs and kisses*
Hello daisyletters! Saw this was still in the green room and figured I would give it a quick review!
First off, I like the title! Not only the fun nod to Taylor Swift, but I think it's fitting for the overall atmosphere of the piece. It's one of her more optimistic, brighter (no pun intended) love songs that works really well as a title here.
I think the repeat of "wispy" is interesting, though probably not strengthening the poem in any particular way? Another adjective would've worked better to describe "moments", and been less repetitive, and I can't help but think using a rhyme/near rhyme word to "wispy" would work well here! That would help keep a similar flow but add some variety to the opening line. Or, alternatively, just finding a synonym. I think either change could help strengthen the beginning!
This is so pretty, and my favorite part of the poem! It's very light and celestial, and embodies the feeling of young love effortlessly.
I don't think this line is completely unnecessary, but it is a little out of place? There's no lead up to it, and because it's standing all alone it just feels a bit abrupt! The speaker is touching upon the girl's actions (holding them tightly) but there isn't really a response or any interaction from the speaker themself, making it hard to interpret as the reader. I think expanding on this line might be worthwhile.
The repetition of "i know" followed by the pause created by the dash is an interesting choice to me. Is it to create a pause in thought? To suggest hesitation, uncertainty? I don't know if it exactly helps with the flow of the poem, so maybe it isn't needed at all?
Overall, I like the sun imagery throughout! It's not too overbearing or explicit, but it's noticeable and enhances the softness of the poem. It's romantic and paints a solid picture of how the speaker views their partner. I like that it's also clear the girl is very sun-like in personality—calming the speaker down, easing worried thoughts, etc. It reinforces this idea of being like daylight. Pretty!
Until next time,
Calamity
Hey there! Loved reading your work, so I thought I'd drop a quick review.
It was so sweet to read about your love life, so simply described. Firstly, you pull readers in by using a lyric of a popular Taylor Swift song- 'Daylight'. Clever, to say the least. Most of your target audience would have most probably heard the song and will be subconsciously curious and drawn to read your piece, due to the quoted inference. What is important, though, is that you manage to prove the aptness of the title you choose for your work. What you promise with your title is honestly delivered in your poetry. After reading, I can confidently say that there could have been no better title, and it doesn't mislead.
In the first stanza, you narrate how the mere sight of you is enough to make your lover smile, as if there's no better gift to her than your lovely companionship. You manage to touch on a universal fact about love in the next line- When you love someone, everything about them turns beautiful. This is evident when you describe how even a slight upturn of your partner's lips draws you closer to her. Surprisingly, you can sense her sparkling in minimal sunlight, as if she's got an innate glow similar to celestial stars. Or perhaps, your love gives her the joy that she is shining from within.
The second stanza takes a more intimate lens as you hold your lover's jaw, as if leaving your traces on her to look and remember the moment later. Absoultely stunning line- "Weave my hands, into her hair". You proceed to whisper worlds while your kiss has universes and galaxies in it, as if there is nothing but you in the world, others simply fade and you can see nothing but her, you and your love in the entirety of existence.
The third stanza totally won my heart, how it shifts to rather vulnerable tone. It is a standing evidence of your love and compatibility with each other. You don't simply admire each other's features or use each other for sexual / intimate experiences, but instead help your partner fight their inner battles and doubts. A true example of "Supporting through the thick AND thin". Your lover smooths the folds if uncertainty in your mind- amazing imagery. Her eyes instill faith in you, which without her was a doubt of the unknown.
In the successive lines, you hit one final high note before the song ends. You point out her habit of holding tighter onto you when she wants you to stay, cause how could she ever think to let go of you when she has planned an eternity with you already? You move on to make the readers aware of the immortality of the moments you live right now, yellow purple light reflecting off of her face, placed in your hands. You'll hold the memory in your heart for years to come and cherish it forever
Stunning depiction of a sweet love between two teenagers, you're lucky to have experienced it. Best wishes to you girls in the future, may your love cross eternity
This poem is simply too sweet to describe.
May your love continue to flourish and grow!
This is so beautiful. It's making me feel single, that's how you know it's good.