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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
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you talk a lot about love for someone who has supposedly never fallen--
staring at the sky, wistful gaze drifting over to me. it makes me wonder
how someone can be so repulsed with the idea of love
that they will go on about it till the sun sets.
our conversations are funerals for your sanity
we sit and cloud-watch for a time. you point out the
idiosyncrasies of the cirrus clouds like a weatherwoman
who drinks wine after her divorce.
when we were kids, you were never such a cynic
since she left, you start taking your coffee black.
like my soul, you say with such a soulless laugh.
i remember you saying she sucked all the light out of your heart,
then telling me you'd never been in love with her.
i'm watching you fall apart, and i despise it
when you get drunk you tell me you miss her smile, throw your head back
and laugh like you used to. cry, because you'll never be so happy again.
close your eyes and dream of a world where her breath is still on your neck.
the next morning, i pretend to recall nothing.
you're a sad child dressed up as a grim reaper
i think you're hiding things from me, and your mother, and the girl you met online.
look, you have all these letters locked in your desk drawer and
say they're addressed to your worst mistake. they all have marked stamps on them,
inked "return to sender". i assume whoever did it meant the letters
and all the pain that went with them.
i forget that it's your pain, your pain, your pain
Hii !
That's a lovely poem. I am in short of words right now..how to comment about yours
Well, vocabulary is really good like each and every line holds deep meaning .
Along with the correct use of words it sounds like a melody~
“when you get drunk you tell me that you miss her smile"
that's adorable. It describes both pain and sweetness together.
Over all I really enjoyed reading the poem.
Grabbing the readers attention: good job!
.
Keep writing!!
Hai :3
This is stunningly melancholic in the best way!! The weight of this poem feels so lived-in, like every line carries years of knowing someone, of watching them decay and willingly steep themselves in that decay. There’s such an intimate sadness to it ~~ Like, it’s not just about loss, it’s about the slow unraveling of a person who pretends they never had anything to lose in the first place. That's so painfully real!!
UGH, WHAT A FIRST LINE !!!
This immediately sets up the contradiction of this person: how they act like love means nothing to them, yet they can’t stop talking about it. It makes them feel almost tragic right away, like someone who protests too much, someone who can’t admit how much love has shaped them. The way they won’t say what they really feel, but the narrator sees it... I think that is one of the strongest elements of this poem. That one detail already makes this dynamic feel so full!!
^^^ It makes every interaction feel like it’s edging towards destruction, like talking to them is watching them sink further into their own grief. It’s such a dramatic, bold statement, but it works because it feels so true. Like, every time the narrator listens, they’re witnessing the slow burial of who this person used to be. I wonder if that could be explored in the beginning more though? I feel like it could compliment the later stanzas because the metaphors would be more grounded.
The contradiction!!! It’s like they’re so determined to insist they weren’t in love, but they’re literally describing heartbreak. That is a cowardly approach, but I understand it ~~ Like, they can’t even admit it to themselves, and the narrator has to just sit there and watch them lie to themselves over and over again. This is such a painfully real kind of self-destruction. A refusal to acknowledge pain, even while drowning in it.
I love this image juxtaposed with the ending!! Someone rejected these messages, sent them back, and now this person is just sitting with them, unopened, unread, unresolved. There’s something so heartbreaking about that!! The narrator assuming that whoever returned the letters meant all the pain should be sent back just adds to it, too. It just reinforces how alone this person is, how they’re the only one left still carrying all of this. That is such a bittersweet ending!! Though, I wish you had explored more of the narrator's perspective.
It’s almost like they’re reminding themselves, "this is not mine to carry," but at the same time, they’re still here, still witnessing it, still part of it. That’s what makes this poem so powerful!! It’s not just about grief or heartbreak, it’s about the orbit of pain. That cycle never ends, to be honest. Amazing work as always!! ^_^
- Payton
thank you!!! <3
Do not make me cry during my classes. This is beautiful. I felt so emotional reading this. Your descriptions are amazing. I try not to use the word perfect when I review, but this is the closest poem I have read to it. The pain I felt while I read this. Words are flowing so well together. This is just amazing!
thank you!!!! also welcome to yws :3