The Dark Secret - Chapter 2

by therealme

Published March 6, 2013

Language

In The Dark Secret

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Chapter 2
Valerie left her room, forgetting the sleepwear. From the top of the staircase she had a good vantage point of the front door, and further still into the kitchen where he mother stood alert like a hunted deer, every drop of colour drained from her face. Jet was right beside her, though he looked more confused than fearful. The doorbell rang again and Valerie wondered whether anyone was going to answer it. She descended the stairs with a quick pace and arrived in the kitchen with a questioning look.
“They’ve found us,” Susan said faintly as if she didn’t believe her own words. Valerie could visualize the hamster in her mum’s head running double time on its wheel trying to process this information. Then just as quickly as her mum had spoken, panic flooded all over her face like a flashing neon sign and her body jolted into action. Susan ran the short way to the front door and locked it, then slowly backed away from it like it was a bomb about to go off. “Jet, I need you to grab the car keys and both of you run and wait in the car. If I don’t join you there after thirty seconds of waiting you need to leave without me, got it?” Susan’s tone was serious and desperate. The people at the door decided to ditch the doorbell and started bashing loudly against it. Susan flinched. What did these people want from Valerie’s mother?
Jet hesitated, and then nodded.
“Drive as far away from here as you can. You must leave Lacewood and not stop driving until you run out of fuel. And then you need to find shelter and hide. Do you understand me?”
“But what are you going to do while we’re in the car?” Valerie asked, not thinking she’d like the answer.
“Distract them,” Susan said, more to herself than to her children.
Jet grabbed the keys hanging on the hook in the hallway and he and Valerie bolted for the side door leading outside the house where the car was parked in the drive. Valerie heard her mother yelling something to the people on the front porch. Valerie looked over her shoulder just before heading outside to see the front door fly across the room and collide into the opposite wall of the house with a loud crack. Holy crap! Who the hell were these people? She heard someone in the house cry out in pain. Jet swung himself into the driver’s seat and Valerie flew in next to him. Each second they counted took a year. Time had never gone so slowly in all her life.
Twenty-eight… twenty-nine…
Still no mother.
“Where on earth is she?!” Jet said anxiously. They waited an extra five seconds but she still didn’t show.
Valerie’s foot began to tap restlessly against the car floor. It always did that when she was nervous. They waited another extra five seconds before Valerie looked at her brother.
His knuckles on his left hand were white from gripping the wheel so tightly. He stared straight ahead. With a small twist of his right wrist the keys awoke the car’s engine. “We have to go now, you heard mum,” he choked, not facing Valerie.
Valerie forced herself not to cry for the billionth time today. Not wanting to say anything in case her mouth told them both truthfully that their mum would never leave them behind if they were in her shoes, she pretended she hadn’t heard Jet.
The car started to move forwards out of the drive and too soon they were turning away from their street and their mother. Jet hadn’t glanced at Valerie once since they sat down in the car. Neither of them spoke a word. The only sound was the rumbling of the car’s engine and the movement of tyres underneath them. They followed the spine street that divided the ribs of other smaller streets. The further they drove away from the house the more the fear in Valerie’s chest took over. They ascended a small hill that gave her a view of her house for the last time. Flickers of bright red and orange caught her attention from the house’s front windows.
Fire!
Fire had consumed the kitchen and living room from downstairs. The windows all had shattered somehow. The flames stretched high like the long, thick tentacles of an angry sea monster, about to drag a ship to the bottom of the ocean. Smoke billowed around the house like a thick dark cloud poisoning the air outside.
“Jet, the house is burning!” Valerie said loudly, looking alarmed.
Jet looked towards the house and his eyes widened.
“We have to go back, mum’s in there! Jet, we have to turn the car around!” Valerie yelled at him, but he only returned to staring ahead of the road, his jaw clenched tight.
“It’s too late,” was all he said.
“No! It’s not too late. It can’t be! Jet…” Valerie didn’t finish her sentence as the tears that had been waiting patiently all day finally rained down from her sorrowful eyes. She let them fall hopelessly. She watched their house get smaller and smaller in the distance until there was only the smoke rising high up towards the heavens. They were alone she realised. It was just her and Jet now. Valerie kept crying silently the whole way out of Lacewood Valley. Her eyes were exhausted afterwards and before she knew it reality disappeared into a deep and heavy sleep.

“We are the revolution of this world,” said a low voice.
Valerie stood in a graveyard surrounded by a circle of people in dark cloaks, their faces shadowed beneath their hoods. In the sky swirled thick black storm clouds, turning the day into night. A strong wind bent the leafless trees sideways. Icy rain followed the wind’s direction. The air felt electric with power. Thunder boomed loudly around the group of people yet no one even flinched. All hoods were turned to face the person that had spoken.
“We have sacrificed the vrÄ???jitoare for our master. We are one step closer to fulfilling the Great Prophesy. Luck is with us once again my allies. The Dark Ages will be reborn!” The talking person raised both hands high above his head, palms facing upward. The others in the circle followed his action in sync. They all started to chant loudly in another language.
“Suntem Cercul lui Lucifer, protectorii secret intunecat. În venele noastre executa o mare putere a lui Satana. SÄ??? vocile noastre sÄ??? fie auzite Un oh Mare, È???i sÄ??? tot iadul dezlÄ???nÈ???uit asupra fi duÈ???manii noÈ???tri. Scopul nostru doar pentru a-È???i servi pentru eternitate.”
Crack! A lightning bolt forked down from the sky and hit the middle of the circle of people like a beacon. The force of the bold shook the ground beneath them yet no one even moved. As the smoke from the heat of the lightning cleared, something moved in the middle of the circle.
It was … It was a …
Valerie woke up with a start. She sat up in the car drenched in sweat, her breathing shallow. Her heart beat fast. She turned her head expecting to find Jet staring at her but he wasn’t there. She was alone. The last images of her dream played repeatedly in her head. The thing in the middle of the circle had stood up to its full height, rising about a foot taller than the average person. It had let out an ear deafening shriek. The hooded people in the circle had knelt before the creature in worship. The creature had then turned slowly towards Valerie’s direction, glowing red eyes staring straight at her. With a wicked smile upon its mouth it raised one long sharp claw and pointed at her, speaking only three words:
“Come, find me.”


Thanks for reading! please review ;) xx

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Snowery
Review
Snowery wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2013

Hey!! Silver here to review for the Review Rippers!!

I have to say that I genuinely really enjoyed your story. Great grammar, spelling and structure. You give great descriptions and you chapter flows very well. After reading both chapters I feel that you have a very strong and interesting plot, so I really hope that you keep up with this.

Now for the nit picks:

From the height of the staircase she had a vantage point of the front door


I feel that height in your context is strange word to use because it is quite variable. You want to create a concrete image in the readers mind so maybe say:
"With the great height of..."
or
"From the top of the..."

And it might also help if you say "good vantage point of the door" otherwise it may be a little ambiguous.

Valerie could visualize the hamster in her mum’s head running double time on its wheel trying to process this information.


Great analogy! It's absolutely perfect and I love it! :)

The rest was all great. You had a pretty strong ending too, very cliff hanger style which is great, anything to keep the reader interested is always a plus.

Overall I think this is a pretty strong story and I really enjoyed it. Keep up the great work and, happy writing!!

Silverlock

User avatar
justtheboy14 Review
justtheboy14 wrote a review Review · Mar 9, 2013

*jaw drops; is speechless*
Wait, so they just left their mother like that? Oh how, oh why? T_T
(Don't mind that, just my reader reactions coming into play)

Where to start, where to start?
I like the touch of horror and creepiness in this chapter, with the chanting and all. I can see that this will make for a thrilling and exciting sequence of events. This chapter alone was already promising.
You've proven it in the last chapter, and you've proven it here again. While previously, you've managed to maintain my interest, here, you have the plot escalate and the smooth transition from one event or action to another is amazing. I must say, you're really good at that.
I mean, Chapter 1 has me chilling and getting to know Valerie, and Chapter 2 quickens the pace with all the action; you had me clinging on to the scenario, wondering what'll happen next. You pull it off well; I'm impressed.
If there's anything else I think you could have done, maybe you could have given more specific details regarding the creature. You know, so we have an idea just what it's like or what it really is. Unless your intention is to pique our curiousity and have us wonder just what it looked like or what it was, that thing that pointed at her.

Wahaha, just so you know, this is my kind of story. Now I'm looking forward to the continuation. Thanks for the great read!

Haha thanks! Yeah I purposely didn't put lots of detail into what the 'creature' looks like so that the reader is left trying to guess what it is. I will reveal more about this 'creature' throughout the story ;) I'm so happy you liked it! xx



seagulls are bad sea chickens with no sense of humanity
— Kay (novembercrow)