Amen!!
I was standing at calvary's hill. It was such a ghastly sight. He was beaten badly. He was gasping and wheezing, when I heard him cry, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." I felt a twinge in my heart. Once I finally realized that he was up there for me, it was too late he had died.
I went back home that night, and I couldn't believe that I was the one that had asked for his bloodshed. I cried out to God that night and I asked him to save me.
Jesus hung on the cross to save my soul and I didn't even deserve it...
Hi Preacher!
Cole dealt with all the things I would have dealt with, so just pretend that I am repeating Cole. He's right! This is as bare bones as it gets! Even the Gospels (which are admittedly short) are more comprehensive than this, which is a shame because you can (and should!) definitely do more with this.
Now, I was also wondering about who the narrator was. I mean. Presumably, a lot of people came to Calvary to watch the executions, so the narrator, if this is historical fiction, could be anyone in the very diverse group of people there were in Jerusalem at the time. With this said, there is also a chance that this might be a modern-day reimagining of being there at Calvary and watching Jesus Christ die. This is also perfectly legit. But, I think that you can emphasize (I am assuming you are Christian?) the whole personal relationship that we have with Jesus. So, we, as readers, want to know who this person is and how this person is a sinner (besides calling for the bloodshed) so we know who exactly Jesus reaches out to people.
Hope that helps! 
Just some nitpicks, first:
I was standing at calvary's hill.
Once I finally realized that he was up there for me, it was too late he had died.
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