Take A Chance- 7 (part one)

Ok really awesome chapter! It made me so mad when I got to the end. I am in love with your story. Keep writing and making everyone fall in love with your story. Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read the next part!

Heyy Twinzy
I'll do this fast, just to correct things and polish it all so it can be at its greatest!

It was true however that he had been avoiding me pretty much every single day since the concert for several reasons.

The party… I didn’t want to talk about that party. I just couldn't stop myself.

But I still couldn’t get why he was acting this way. He wasn’t even talking to Ben. I didn’t know what was going on. And even stranger: he wasn’t with Lisa anymore. According to the rumors, they had had a huge fight the night of the party.

I really hoped not.

I was so happy, that I ran to the court and jumped in my brother's arms.

Rose was following me closely and when Ben finally let me go, comma Rose instantly went for hers

“No, I think… I wouldn't mind being alone for a while.” I respond. I was sure she would understand.

I couldn’t say that I wasn’t caring about what Liam thought, because I really did

I searched the gym for him but I didn’t see him. He wasn’t in the gym, or in the hallways close to it.

I waited at the door of the changing room and asked a guy on the team who was leaving the roomif he was there, but apparently he wasn’t.

I had to admit that I hated her.

hey t.o.o. here as requested ,
i think that you have captured the art of supspence very well. You seem to know exactly where to slip a new turn in there to.

Grammar:
you have many slip-ups. I read the chapters before this and It was the same for all the chapters

Storyline:
Perefect. Absolutley perfect

Charecters:
you have devoloped the charecters flawlessly. We knew what was going on the thrid ch.

Questions:
Why on earth has Cole suddenly dissapeared?
Why are Ben and Liam suddenly enemys? is it becuase of the kisses or something more?
Where on earth are these kids parents? Are they letting minors drink in there house or are they never there?

WE NEED THESE QUESTIONS ANSWERED! especially the parents questions.

do you want me to review part 2? P.M. with the answer.
Let me know when you have more up

~Pointe

theotherone wrote:

Chapter 7

What was wrong with Liam? He was avoiding me. It's true however that he’s been avoiding me pretty much every single day since the concert for several reasons. But I thought that we had something special during the party… The party… I didn’t want to talk about that party. But I justcouldn't stop myself. The reason he was acting so weird was because of me. He had kissed me that night. He had said he loved me… And then suddenly Ben appeared and he never talked to me again. And not to mention his weird escape… I tried to talk to him, to say that it was okay. That I didn’t think he was a freak or something like that. But every time I tried to approach him, he would disappear.

But I still couldn’t get why he was acting this way. He wasn’t even talking to Ben. I didn’t know what was going on. And even stranger: he wasn’t with Lisa anymore. According to the rumors, they had had a huge fight the night after the party.

So what, was he afraid of me? I really hope not. I just wanted to be friends with him, if I couldn’t be more.
The bell rang and I jumped at the sound of the loud ring. I shouldn’t be thinking about this, it only made me miserable.

I got to my locker in a record time and packed my bag. I had no homework today. I waited for Rose at the front door and, like every day, I got a glimpse of Liam’s back. He was walking towards the gym very fast and didn't turn around when one of his friend called out his name.

“Boo!” I turned around to see Rose standing beside me.

“So, are we going?” She asked, lifting a perfect brow at me.

“Yeah.comma not period” I took her hand and pulled her in the direction of the gym.

Today was a really special day. The school’s volley-ball team was playing against a school that Iwe delete I or delete especially me- especially me- hated.

They won every game in every sport possible. But I was confident that our team would be capable of beating them tonight. And a good game of volley would probably cheer me up. Plus, Ben and Liam were playing.

We entered the gym where teenagers were sitting on several bleachers placed around the gym. We chose one that was close to the door and sat down just in time to see our team enter the room. The other team was already warming up. We screamed for Ben when he began warming up. And we weren’t the only one to cheer for him. Quite a few teenage girls were screaming his name, they even had posters. And they had one for Liam too. God, they made me feel like a crappy sister.

A moment later, the coach was talking to the players and the game had started. At every point our school made, the crowd would scream and do the wave.

***

I screamed and jumped on my feet. Yes! We had won after a long game. We beat them. Rose was dancing like a total moron beside me and I did the same. I was so happy, that I ran to the court and jumped in my brothers arms.

Rose was following me closely and when Ben finally let me go Rose instantly hugged him too. Liam was not far behind, slapping the shoulders of other players. Girls were screaming in my ears and jumping aroundcomma but all I could see was Liam. His face wasn’t happy like all the others around him. And I could easily see the tiredness in his eyes.

He turned his head slightly in my direction and I caught his eye. His lips slowly tilted up in a sad smile. It was crazy how that reminded me of what he told me at the party. He could read my mind. So he had to know how much he was hurting me. Why couldn’t he bring his ass to me and at least apologize?

“Alicia?” Rose asked after me.

“Yeah?” I turned around to see her worried face. Ben was still standing awkwardly next to her, as if he was waiting to finish off a conversation that had been interrupted.

“Wanna come to my place to party a little bit?” Rose asked in a cheery voice.

“No, I think… I have to be alone for a while.” I respond. I was sure she would understand.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye. See you tonight.” Ben said after a moment, he was still studying me carefully. I could easily see the question in his eyes. He would probably want to talk to me when he came back. I nodded at them and smiled at Rose when she turned back and gave me a thumbs up. She waited a long time to be alone with Ben and when she finally was, I was ruining her fun. My heart sank in my chest. I was such a party pooper. But I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t say that I wasn’t caring about what Liam thought, because I really cared. And the sooner I talked to him, the sooner our little problem would be resolved. So I turned around to see that he was gone. I searched the gym for him but I didn’t see him. He wasn’t in the gym, or in the hallways close to it. I waited at the door of the changing room and asked a guy on the team who was leaving the room if he was there, but apparently he wasn’t. I guess I waited a while because when I did leave the school the sky was a weird shade of dark blue. I walked home and I wasn’t surprised that the lights were all turned off

Ben was probably still at Rose’s house. And I hoped that she wasn’t worrying about me. She deserved this night with him. I was sick and tired that Amber was always at our place. She was a bitch! I have to admit it, I hated her. They were like the perfect couple since third grade and they were making me gag. And I really would be glad if my brother could finally see that Rose was head over heels for him…

***

Well I think imaginemymind covered all your grammar mistakes. I really liked this chapter it was really sad and interesting. I can't wait for part 2.I love this story so much.
Kitty

Hey theotherone ! I'm here to review. And just to let you know I've been dying until you posted another chapter of this novel so when I saw it I was ecstatic !(:

My corrections will be in purple (:

What was wrong with Liam? He was avoiding me. It is It's sounds bettertrue however that he’s been avoiding me pretty much every single day since the concert for several reasons. But I thought that we had something special during the party… Add spaces. So it should be . . . The party… I didn’t want to talk about that party. But I had to She's thinking this so technically she doesn't have to . The reason he was acting so weirdly weird was because of me. He had kissed me that night. He had said he loved me… And then suddenly Ben appeared and he never talked to me again. And not to mention his weird escape… I tried to talk to him, to say that it was okay. This pause makes it awkward. So try rearranging these sentences (: That I didn’t think he was a freak or something like that. But every time I tried to approach him, he would disappear. Gets me so frustrated when he does that , BTW. But it makes the story soo much more interesting

But I still couldn’t get that Get what exactly?. He wasn’t even talking to Ben. I didn’t know what was going on. And even stranger: he wasn’t with Lisa anymore I mentally did a happy dace when I read this hhaha. According to the rumors, they had had a huge fight the night after the party at my place. Did they have the fight at her house? Or was she talking about the party?

So what, was he afraid of me? I really hoped not. I just wanted to be friends with him, if I couldn’t be more. NO! They have to be together ! (:
The bell rang and I jumped at the sound of the loud ring. I shouldn’t be thinking about this, it only made me miserable. So true , so true.

I got to my locker in a record time and packed my bag. I had no homework today. I waited for Rose at the front door and like every day; , not ; I got a glimpse of Liam’s back. He was walking very fast and he wasn’t looking at me. If it was his back the he wasn't looking at her.

“Boo!” I turned around to see Rose standing beside me.

“So, are we going?” She asked, lifting a perfect brow at me.

“Yeah.” I took her hand and pulled her in the direction of the gym.

Today was a really special day. The school’s volley-ball team was playing against a school that I- especially me- hated.

They won every game in every sport possible. But I was confident that our team would be capable of beating them tonight. And a good game of volley would probably cheer me up. And plus, Ben and Liam (I was really going to see the game because Liam would be there, otherwise… Take the otherwise part out ) were playing. Wait, but I thought she saw him leave the school? Remember his back and all?

We entered the gym; teenagers No need to really say teenagers since it's a high school were sitting on several benches benches or bleachers? placed around the gym. We chose one that was close to the door and sitsat down just in time to see our team enter the room. The other team was already warming up. We screamed for Ben when he began warming up. And we weren’t the only ones to cheer for him. Quite a few teenage girls were screaming his name, they even had posters. And they had one for Liam too. God, they made me feel like a crappy sister. Haha ,I like that.

A moment later, the coach was talking to the players and the game had started. At every point our school made, the crowd would scream and do the wave and ridiculous stuff like that. The ridiculous stuff like that part takes away from that setence.
***


I screamed and jumped on my feet. Yes! We had won after a long game. We beat them. Rose was dancing like a total moron beside me and I did the same. I was so happy, that I ran to the court and jumped in my brother's arms.

Rose was following me closely and when Ben finally let me go Rose instantly hugged him too. Liam was not far behind, slapping the shoulders of other players. Girls were screaming in my ears and jumping around but all I could see was Liam. His face wasn’t happy like all the others around him. And I could easily see the tiredness in his eyes. I really like this paragraph

He turned his head slightly in my direction and I caught his eye. His lips slowly tilted up in a sad smile. It was crazy how that reminded me of what he told me at the party. He could read my mind. So he had to know how much he was hurting me… Just a periodWhy couldn’t he bring his ass to me and at least apologize? Haha, love that!

“Alicia?” Rose yelled after me. I think asked me would be best. Because it's not like she wondered off or anything.

“Yeah?” I turned around to see their worried face. Their as in Ben and Rose , right? Mention Ben is still close to or next to Rose

“Wanna come to my place to party a little bit?” Rose asked in a cheery voice.

“No, I think… I have to be alone for a while.” I respond. I was sure she would understand.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye! Take out the exclamation point See you tonight.” Ben said after a moment, he was still studying me carefully. I could easily see the question in his eyes. He would probably want to talk to me when he came back. I nodded at them and smiled at Rose when she turned back and gave me a thumbs up. She waited a long time to be alone with Ben and when she finally was, I was ruining her fun. My heart sank in my chest. I was such a party pooper Just a little , but hey she's in love right ? (;. But I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t say that I wasn’t caring about what Liam thinksthought, because I really cared. And the sooner I talked to him, the sooner our little problem would be resolved. So I turned around to see that he was gone. I searched the gym for him but
I didn’t see him. He wasn’t in the gym, or in the hallways close to it. I waited at the door of the changing room and asked a guy in on the team who was leaving the room if he was there, but apparently he wasn’t. I guess I waited a while because when I did leave the school the sky was a weird shade of dark blue Interesting way on describing the night. I walked home and I wasn’t surprised that the lights were all closed turned off.

Ben was probably still at Rose’s house. And I hoped that she wasn’t worrying about me. She deserved this night with him. I was sick and tired that Amber was always at our place. She was a bitch! I have to admit it, I hated her. They were like the perfect couple since third grade and they were making me gag. And I really would be glad if my brother could finally see that Rose was head over heels for him… Didn't really like that it ended talking about Rose and Ben.
***