Young Writers Society

Hello!
This is the first work I read in here I find quite fair that it appears to be a first for you too

It's a really good short story, you know. It tells everything that needs to be told without wasting space and words, and you write about a very interesting concept that doesn't stop at tormented romance but goes beyond it: it shows how loneliness can make us dangerous, and desperate. Or at least that's what I read into it.
I don't really know what else to say, just: this was so beautiful. I'm glad I've read it, honestly.
Hope to read you again,
Soq

Hi there! Welcome to Young Writer's Society.

This was a very beautiful and poetic story and I am impressed that it this was your first piece on this website. I definitely hope we see more. I believe that this story is so beautiful because the names "Loneliness" and "Warmth" could just as easily be replaced with the name of a person you know who acts like either of these entities. It makes this story that seems to be wholly abstract have some concreteness to it.

The characters of Loneliness and Warmth are both so compelling even though they never have any dialogue. They are given very distinct personalities, not just based around their names, but they are given hopes and dreams in not so many lines and it works very well. We fell for their romance and we just want Warmth to be able to get through to Loneliness and Loneliness to be able to love him back. What makes it truly tragic is that Loneliness realizes that she wants to love him, and what love is but she can't. We are in love with Warmth's patience with Loneliness and her inability to love, and how much he cares about Loneliness and her well being.

The ending was my absolute favorite part. The last two lines end this story completely, yet it doesn't. You ended it perfectly, leaving it ambiguous to the reader what truly happened in the end. We understand that the matchbox and candle seem to be both abstract and concrete concepts, just like everything else in this story. Warmth wants to both literally light the way for Loneliness to find love for both him and herself. The truly ambiguous thing is the last line. Since the characters are abstract concepts themselves is darkness meant to be personified like Loneliness and Warmth? Is the knife she is "given" a literal or symbolic knife? And then you end it there leaving so much up to interpretation for the reader and that is what makes this story so intriguing . What happens with the knife, will Loneliness ever feel love, will her inability love one day drive Warmth away? It is left to us to decide and I applaud you for not going any further. With most stories everything is explained and we are not allowed to draw our own conclusions, but you allow the readers to do that.

So in the end I can't think of any issues I have with your writing, their are no grammar mistakes that I can see and I cannot wait to see what more you will write in the future. Thank you for posting and I hope to see more from you soon!

Hi themightierpen, here to review your short story!

First things first, I hardly saw any grammar mistakes, which is great because I could concentrate totally on the story. That said, this is a truly heartbreaking piece. The way that you handled your characters, giving Loneliness and Warmth their own voices, is impressive. I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say that we can all identify as one or the other. So many people think that they don't deserve love, and it's sad and frustrating because they don't see all the good that's in them. I think that you captured this idea perfectly. The ending, of course, is tragic, and you had just the right amount of build-up. Overall, amazing short story!