Young Writers Society

I should warn that I don’t tend to review poetry and don’t consider myself anything of an expert in it, and for that reason you should feel free to disregard any stylistic commentary that doesn’t, for want of a better term, gel with your groove.

I enjoy this piece. The repetition of core phrasing gives it a strong rhythm and sense of progress through the piece. The choice of words and arrangement of lines/repetition tended to be excellent.
Two minor things:

“symbolizing that everything,”
So much of your piece is about showing what symbols are, that this instance of saying what a symbol was, was quite jarring and broke the rhythm/immersion of the progression of ideas.

“the darkness is resurfacing”
This is perhaps a minor example of a mixed metaphor. Other verbs might be more appropriate if they also attach to darkness, rather than the idea that darkness is a symbol of. “coalescing” might not be rhythmically sound, or “falling” but I think the key of my point here was picking a verb that fits both darkness and the thing that darkness is a symbol for.

Cheers, and I hope this was at all helpful.

Rubric

Hi!!
Thank you so much for requesting a review! I'll do my best to give a great review!

My overall impression is that I like this poem. I'm not in love with it, but that's just a personal preference, not a sign of what an amazing write you are; only because, it's soft and subtle, where I think it should be bold and strong. Besides a few punctuational errors, there's not a whole lot I can point out that hasn't already been pointed out. i'm sorry, this seems like such a waste of a review.

~Tiffany

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Here to review as requested!

Reading your title, I can see there's a grammar mistake already. It should be 'Hope and I' when they are the subject. When they're the object, it would be 'Hope and Me'. This would later be explained throughout the review. Also, I can see the whole poem made in one stanza, and I'm sure that's not what you intended. To go to a new line, press SHIFT and ENTER at the same time (SHIFT first, ENTER later). It'd lead you straight to the new line without too-wide space.

The cool breeze,
Soothing my soul and I, sinking deep within me

Dark clouds of despair, blinding my sight

My sight, which always saw the hope and future
Now see’s nothing.

Cakerissa here! Reporting for Reviewing!

I really enjoyed this poem! I liked how it changes from hopeful to giving-up to longing. One thing I didn't like was how you waited till the end to introduce the girl. The eleventh line didn't make much sense to me, you know, in the way it was worded. I want to read more stuff like this! Keep writing!

Cakerissa

Hello there!

I agree with you when you say this is one of your best. I love the descriptions of the poem. Even if they're short and simple, they have the power to transport you to the setting of the story. The only thing I'm having a little trouble with is the part about girl's eyes. The emotion behind them is not very clear, I think it could use a bit more detail.

But other than that, it's a wonderful poem. The descriptions are off the charts, and when I finished reading, I didn't feel like I wasted my time at all ! That is something really hard to accomplish. You should be very proud of this poem.

Yours truly,

Erika