The Stairs
by theluckyflower
There he was; I saw my crush again!
I ran to meet him, but tripped, and then –
I fumbled and grasped his shoulder.
He felt my hold and so looked over.
His arm went toward me, flying through the air.
I fell to the side, screaming, “Oh, crap, the stairs!”
I tumbled down, hopelessly tossed askew.
I blacked out, woke up, and the next thing I knew:
I was on the ground, my joints aching like crazy.
My vision was blurred; my mind was all hazy.
My head was pounding, ears buzzing like a hive,
When my stupid friends asked me if I was alive.
In shock and confusion, I asked who they were
And what had happened; everything was a blur!
“She needs to see the nurse,” said a guy who was near.
He picked me up, and I screamed in fear.
He told me to relax as he took me to the nurse,
And surprised me when at himself he cursed.
He explained it was his fault I fell off the stairs.
He said he was sorry and flipped back his hair.
Those eyes, that face! I remember now:
The what, the when, the who, the how.
The guy I rushed to meet now held me in his arms.
I guess falling off the stairs had worked like a charm.
The nurse gave me a checkup as he walked to class.
She said I was fine and wrote me a pass.
When school had ended, I raced to my home.
I opened the door and heard a ring from the phone.
I answered and smiled at his voice on the line.
He called to ask forgiveness one more time.
I laughed and said forgive him I would,
If only he treated me like a new boyfriend should.
He laughed and told me that he agreed,
And that’s how our relationship came to be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I liked this, is made me laugh and I thought it was a very clever piece. It had good rhyme and rythm to it and flowed well in most places, only a few lines containg maybe too many sylabbles [can't spell that word ^^] than it should. This might just be be, but I thought I'd let you know so you can check it out yourself.
Overall, a good piece and a new twist to the common romance, making me laugh and want to read on. Maybe you could even make this piece into a story perhaps, as it is rather narrative.
If only it was that easy to catch a boy's attention =]
It's narrative.
Thanks for the feedback. It is much appreciated!
I'll try to change it later (bad case of writer's block right now).
Hope you'll read some more of my stuff like you said!
I liked this, It had an interesting story to it.
I would change this, because it sounds a little wierd to me.
Why would the friends be asking her if she was alive? If she was dead then she wouldn't be able to answer. Sorry If im being a little nitpicky but it does sound a little strange.
I think it would flow better if you took out "hall" and it would still make sense.
These last two lines don't exactly rhyme, maybe you could come up with different words that rhymed better?
Overall this was well written and I'll make sure to read more of your stuff.