"Forget Me"
by theluckyflower
How I long for your embrace,
Your warm lips upon my face.
No matter if we’re far or near
I still hear –
Your voice, your breath –
Within my ear.
Love songs on the radio
Remind me of what I hate to know:
The reason why you’re gone –
I can’t move on!
Forgive me for what I’ve done.
I’ll leave and never come back.
To forget me is all I ask.
The hate in your eyes is too much to bear;
I prefer that you don’t care.
Please stop. Can’t you see?
By hurting you, I’m hurting me.
No more pain, no more sorrow,
No more memories by tomorrow.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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i particularly like the last four lines:
though i think the "Please stop. Can't you see?" part is kind of not really saying anything of meaning.
Great great great. Wonderful in fact.
Just one thing, perhaps:
You might want to change the second line, the 'warm lips upon my face'. Warm lips upon mine perhaps, but 'face' feels out of place and cumbersome compared to the rest of the poem.
Otherwise? Wonderful job with this, Flower. A nice read. ^_^