Forestlore preview

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

17-year-old Celest wakes unexpectedly to a land she thought could only be a myth. With the help of a young girl, Anja, she is lead through the forest of Faalshire, where her reality is turned with fairies, mermaids, warlocks, alchemists, spirits, warriors, and ultimately, her destiny.

I imagine death is much like waking from a good sleep. It sounds a little backwards, but I think about the way your eyes get blurry, and your brain is confused for a fraction of a second. I think it would be a lot like that- except instead of waking to the ceiling in your bedroom and the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs, you wake to darkness.

And I think it's funny how every time you close your eyes to sleep, you never fully know if you'll wake up. But you don't waste a moment worrying about it. Unconsciousness is calm and the journey to that point is so undisturbed. Yet it's impossible to ever know what you'll wake to when you sleep. Because sleep is also a form of surrender; letting yourself lie without knowing, in the hands of whatever you believe may guard you...

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I think that this short little preview is one of my favorite writings of yours that I've read!!! It's so good and it makes me want to read the who book right now. I love the stuff you said about how we may not wake up from each sleep but we don't worry about it for a second because it's so true! I had never thought about that before I read this! This is my second time reading this preview (I read it for the first time when I first joined because I had never read anything of yours and wanted to). I fell in love with it the first time I read it and I still love it now! Great job, Abby!! Another thing I loved about this writing is the characters names, Celest and Anja! Both such cool names! Everything you wrote about is so true! Great job and keep up the good work!!

Also, sorry for the ADHD sound of this review. I did it in two sittings and I'm about to fall asleep...

Hi, theironnovelist (absolutely LOVE your name , but do you have a nickname, though it is a shame to shorten such a genius name?). I'll try not to repeat what @Kanome said, so I won't nitpick stuff she/he has already suggested. Hear I go!

So, the first part in italics is good. No changes needed there, according to mwa. <<Not how you spell it, but I'm too lazy to add a tab and look it up on that Internet thingymajingy.

It sounds a little backwards, but I think about the way your eyes get blurry, and your brain is confused for a fraction of a second. I think it would be a lot like that- except instead of waking to the ceiling in your bedroom and the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs, you wake to darkness.

Repetitive use of the word think; change it to imagine, or speculate, etc. There are lots of great verbs out there, free for the picking. Besides that one little thing, I really liked how you described things in the last sentence. The way you put it, like instead of waking up to morning smells and morning things you wake up to darkness, is really cool.

And I think it's funny how every time you close your eyes to sleep, you never fully know if you'll wake up.

Unlike Kanome, I don't think there should be an "also" or an "and" here. I suggest just cutting the whole thing out and starting the sentence with "I think..." (or another verb, you know.) Try to avoid starting sentences with things like but, and, also, etc. unless really necessary.

Unconsciousness is calm and the journey to that point is so undisturbed
*don't need so in this sentence

Yet it's impossible to ever know what you'll wake to when you sleep.
*don't need to start with yet

Because sleep is also a form of surrender; letting yourself lie without knowing, in the hands of whatever you believe may guard you...

I suggest shortening to:
Sleep is a form of surrender; letting yourself lie without knowing, in the hands of whatever you believe may guard you....

In fact, if you entered this line below the entire paragraph and attend to those suggestions, it makes it even more powerful. I like how you put the ellipses at the end of the sentence. Added to the mysteriousness of what is going to happen to our character, like maybe they will go to sleep and wake up in a strange place of fantasy.
Although I like the paragraph in italics, it sort of ruins the whole idea of the mystery in the following paragraphs, so I suggest taking it out.
I liked a lot of the lines you used in here, and the descriptions you so effortlessly crammed into such a short piece. Awesome job!
Overall rating: 8/10
+1
P.S. Welcome to Young Writer's Society!!!!!! If you ever need help, just IM me!

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

I can see potential in this future story that you are about to produce.
I also like the concept of this preview or "prologue". This is interesting yet mysterious in ways that I can't describe.

You made it to where the reader must question themselves of how or what the story might be about.

Couple of nitpicks...
Instead of putting "and", you should put "also".

Also I think it's funny how every time you close your eyes to sleep, you never fully know if you'll wake up.

But you don't waste a moment worrying about it.