Chemistry. My first class of the day. I sit down in my normal seat. It's funny how even though we don't have assigned seats in that class, that everybody sits in the same seats every day anyway. Maybe today I'll shake things up and move to the other side of the room! I could be bold and break down the walls of the cliques that define the classroom! Who cares if I'm the nerd, I am going to sit with the jocks! Show them whose-- You know what? Maybe another time. I shrink down in my chair a little deflated after thinking such ambitious thoughts. The teacher begins class and I immediately space out. Why in the world do I need to know about electron levels anyway? All it really sounds like is one giant love/hate relationship between the electrons and protons. They're all, "I want to be close to you! Now I must be further away. I must move on to the next level..." Bah, boring. I glance across the room to keep from dozing off and see three people texting, one guy picking his nose and carefully wiping it under his desk, and one other person furiously drawing dinosaurs all over his notebook paper. At least some people are more bored than me. Wait was that my name? "Yes, Mrs. White?--- The number of electrons on which level?---32." I don't understand why people like me always get called on in class whereas the people who text never do. I at least try to make it appear like I'm tuned in. Whatever.
Eyes roving once more I set out to watch my favorite subject in that class. Johnny Watson. O.K. it's not stalker-ish or whatever, it just so happens that he is very nice and has these eyes that you could get lost in. Deep blue, not the scary blue that causes you to cringe whenever that person looks at you sharply. Maybe I have a crush on Johnny. He's not that bad, is he? Oh my gosh he just looked at me! I glance down at my desk where I had absentmindedly been drawing hearts. What do I do? Do I look back? Don't panic, breathe normally. O.K. under control, now look again. Oh my gosh he's still looking at me! Smile now, not too creepily. Oh my gosh he smiled back. Oh, he's so cute when he smiles. He waves a little and I twiddle my fingers back at him. We really connected! He's mouthing something at me. "What?" I mouth back. I've never been good at reading lips. Johnny mouths something again and that's when the girl who sits behind me whispers "Johnny! I'll just talk to you after class!"
Oh my gosh, that is so embarrassing! He wasn't even talking to me! I really hope no one else saw that. Jeez I can feel my face heat up and I sink further down in my seat than before. "Pssst!"my friend Anne gets my attention, " Are you O.K.? You kind of look like you have a fever." "No, I'm fine, " I mumble back. Anne sits back in her chair still with a look of concern on her face. I know she'll get me later for not explaining to her what had happened. Alright I can do this. Class must be over soon. I look at the clock and indeed there is only two more minutes of class. The second hand looks like it is going in negative mile per hour. Aarrgh! Please just let me out of here. My hand taps on my desk sort of out of control and everyone is talking around me. Just let me out. *brrrrrring!!* Finally! Freedom!! Or at least until Spanish that is...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Wow! Pure geinus lol. I loved it and was laughing really hard near the end because that's happened to me
Thanks Lava! You know I think I did originally put "who is", but changed it because I thought it was wrong. Thanks for the clarification and critique!
Hi hobbit!
Well, in my head it immediately snaps to 'Show them who is.' If that's what you mean, it should be who's.This is quite good! I like it. Well, I think you need to open up the paragraphs because it looks tough on the viewer's eyes. I like the way you've written about stuff in her head.
Well, did Anne stand up to 'Psst' the girl in the middle of chem class?
So, well on the whole, a good piece. I would suggest you add more descriptions. About the teacher, the girl/guy in front of you, the room, well, you get the idea. Make it more descriptive.
Cheers,
~Lava
Dayum! That's one hell of an embarrasing situation. I'm on Jasmine's side; this is a very nice story. The main character feels very real, and accurate to what you're shooting for. It's funny, and personally, I've ended up in the "called on while only pretending to listen" group many times.
If I could add something to this piece, it would be visual description of the classroom. You don't say much of what the classroom looks like, just where the kids are sitting inside of it. Add some setting description, and I'm plenty happy with this piece.
Have a lucky day!
This is genius!! I so love this story and this idea. Would you mind if I did one for some of my classes but I'll put like 'This was thehobbitgangstas idea so no stealing or my furious purple elephant will attack!! :elepahny: ' or something like that
PM me
~Jasmine Bells~
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