“Miss, a letter for you,” Charles consoled.
We both knew what it was. Charles is our butler, I tell him everything. When flowers started to arrive weekly, two months ago, we knew that something was going on. At first I didn’t take any notice. I remember thinking “wrong house again, I wish they’d stop.” But three weeks ago, when the flowers came a letter arrived too. This was when I realised...realised that they didn’t get the wrong house, and that the flowers were for me.
I knew instantly that I wanted to find out where they came from, being a private investigator, I guess is what made the difference between me wanting and me doing. It wasn’t hard to trace where it came from, if they wanted to be hidden they did a bad job. They sent the flowers, always from the same area, and mostly from the same address.
Last week I decided to send a letter to that address, visiting it would be too hard, you see the address had to be some good 4hour drive away, too close to catch a plane or jet I would say, but it isn’t as if I had the time anyway, with my job, I could be called on duty at any moment.
If Charles and I were right, the letter that I had received today was a response from the one I had sent out. The envelop had the same marking as before, which was positive. It was white, creased and seemed as if it had been waiting to be used for a while.
I’m not one for receiving letters, so my head was telling me to rip it open...but I just didn’t feel that this letter was what I had hoped. I tried to think about whom I knew from that area of Yorkshire, but no one sprang to mind. I didn’t speak to any one in my family; it is nearing my 50th birthday meaning that it had been 20 years since I last spoke to my parents. It was quite sad, I had always had a strong relationship with my father, I guess time took that away.
After a few moments of pausing I opened the letter and began to read....
Dearest Gwyneth,
I have tried many times to write this letter, and I told myself no matter how it turned out, I am going to send it. The flowers indeed have been coming from this household, but not from me.
There is no easy way to explain what has happened, I don’t know what gave my husband – your father the urge to send them, or indeed how he knew where you lived. He has always been one for knowing things no one else knew – if you remember?
Well, I promised him that I would send this - which I would write to you, explain as much as I can, of what there is I can explain.
Gwyneth, do you remember when you were younger, and your brother died? Your father told you no matter what happened in life; always find a way of keeping in touch, even if it meant making the sad things seem happy? Well, 5 months ago, your father was diagnosed with brain cancer, they told him he had 4 months at the maximum to live. We were deep in shock, that’s when he decided – he decided to find you.
When he did he started to send the flowers, I don’t know why, but he wanted you to remember him in his last days – making the sad things happy.
I’m sorry Gwyneth, I’m sorry. The flowers stopped, because he went. He’s dead Gwyneth. He’s dead.
I couldn’t bring myself to read any more of that letter.
My father was dead. Those flowers, he tried to make said things happy, those flowers are flowers of despair.
I put this in the romantic section because it's about the love between a father and daughter!
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
First of all, this made me tear up at the end.
Secondly, I really enjoyed this. A few spots here and there could use a bit of tweaking, just as any piece of work would, but it was overall wonderful.
Our? Who is Gwyneth talking about? Her husband? Family? Also, I would maybe change that comma to a period, to separate the two trains of thought. Maybe: "Charles is our butler. I tell him everything." Or explain a bit more about how trusting he is.
I love knowing a bit more about the narrator and her occupation. Being a private investigator probably makes her a very curious person. However, the way it was put into the sentence was a bit abrupt for me. It may just be me, actually, and I still do really like how it helps to explain the reason for the search and how she was able to do it.
Those are my only nitpicks for the moment. The story is really enjoyable, but, as mentioned by the others, it would be made more so if you just add a few things here and there. You have a really good scene here: work it. Let it shine and let us see the feelings that Gwyneth is feeling in full force: the passion, the saddness, the excitement...
Thanks so much for sharing this! It was a wonderful story and you have talent. Please PM me if you have any questions or concerns about this review. Have a wonderful day!
Smiles!
~Mira
Hey Gillian!
This insterests me, from what I can tell private investigators are well off, but don't have butlers...does she have a rich husband? Is it a job of interest? Does she come from a rich family, her mother's side, perhaps, as if her father was powerful then I would assume they would know where each other were, or did she win the lottery? It's an interesting detail to put in her job, but if you don't want to justify her job, then it would also be easy to remove it and make her the wife of a powerful man... or maybe she's just a really really well paid private investigator with old fashioned tastes. I would love to see some detail about her background.
I enjoyed the idea of the flowers, and the details about the envelope being creased is great. I would just love to see more, I want to see what else! Colour your story with sights, smells, and sounds, transform it from a sweet little story to a heart-tugging scene that we can see in our heads. I think you can do it, and this story has the potential to really tug at the heartstrings.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.
-Nutty
Hey
It's true that this a story about love but I think it belongs more in the general stories section, because the romantic section is really just for stories about people in relationships, or starting relationships, rather than family bonds.
I liked this though. The part about her finding out who the flowers from was both very sweet and very sad.
A few nitpicks:
The word "consoled" suggests that at the beginning of the story she's upset and he's trying to comfort that, but you never really explain that. It seems a bit odd.
This sentence is a bit clumsy. I would suggest starting a new sentence either after the first clause or the second one. Up to you though
Also, if she's a private investigator and hasn't been in contact with her parents for years, I don't understand why she has a butler. They're generally only used by the very rich and old-fashioned.
Only mostly? This doesn't really make sense now that I've read the ending. If he's ill, why would he be moving to different addresses?
It looks better if you write numbers out. So this should be, "the address had to be some good four hours drive away".
Said? The misspelling takes away from what should be a powerful last line. And it wouldn't completely make sense even if it was 'sad' instead of 'said'. It would be better as "Those flowers that he tried to make sad things happy with, those flowers were flowers of despair." (stay in past tense) or something like that.
Overall I thought this was a nice story and the idea of the flowers was a good one. The only other thing I would say is that you could make more out of her mixed feelings on recieving the flowers, which would give it a bigger impact when she got the letter from her mother. You could have her confused, and then maybe excited, thinking it was a secret admirer or something, and then it would come as a much greater blow when she opened the letter and found out that he dad was dead, as it would contrast with her earlier enthusiasm. Also, if you described her recieving some flowers as a scene instead of just having her relate it as something that's been happening recently, that part of the story might be better. Just a suggestion though; it's up to you.
I agree 100%