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E - Everyone

Gwaenchana?

by theescaper020


(Are you okay?)

It all starts when we communicate with others.

"How are you?" and "Are you okay"?

are some obvious greeting words, right?

But sometimes it can hide deep feelings.

As soon as someone asks," Are you okay?"

Sometimes we take a pause, within that pause thousands of moments flash inside our minds. Moments of despair, moments of sufferings, moments of embarrassment, moments when you criticize yourself, moments that make you give up, moments when you question your existence. In those moments we seek  help from a "Fighter" within us. But sometimes when we can't handle it anymore, we try to escape from reality. We create our own "illusions"or get attracted to the illusions created by others. Illusions that make us feel better, illusions that give us hope, illusions that make us smile in our darkest times. They help us to escape from the realities, but in times, they makes us fragile and weak. 

But, in that pause, that lasts for a second or two, there's a huge war between our "Illusions"and the "Reality", and no matter who wins, and despite all our sufferings, there's only one answer that makes us feel warm,

YEAH! I'M OKAY!


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Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:29 am
BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...



Hi! The title attracted me. I appreciate your creativity in choosing the title. This is so relatable as it happens with me. ' I'm okay' is the statement which keeps me going.It is sad that the statement is sometimes filled with illusions when we escape from reality. I totally agree with you that we must accept the reality and then we would be able to get over the illusions and fight.
This is so well-written, simple ,short and sweet. I feel drawing line between illusions and reality is important to understand. Thank you so much for sharing this. I liked your thoughts and ideas.
There were few grammatical mistakes.They are small so I would not point .
Keep writing and keepspreading the positive vibes around!
Have a great day ahead!
From: Bhavya.




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Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:42 am
Liberty wrote a review...



Hey escaper!

I'm here to drop off a review as you requested. Hope you're doing well. Let's dig right in shall we?

First of all, I like what the theme of this essay is. It starts off in a pretty great way. I like that. And that whole paragraph? It's neat. I like it a lot considering hiw much I can relate to this. It's true. People think a lot in mere seconds and they barely realize it. Even if it's the most simple question, like gwaenchana?

Also I like that you used a different language phrase for the title. It's very attractive! :)

Now, a couple of things I noticed that are pretty minor-

moments that makes you give up,

"Makes" wouldn't make much sense here, since that's for singular. So we'd just just use "make", instead.

illusions that give us hopes,

Either this bit would be written as "illusion that gives us hope," or "illusions that give us hope,". c:

They helps to escape from the realities,

"They help" would work better here, honestly.

Now that I'm done, I've figured out that your main little errors are you plural and sigular with any verb. It's called subject-verb agreement. If you search it up on Google or something, you'll find a bunch of charts and stuff to help you out but I quickly dug out a chart for you here.

Overall, your essay is pretty great!

Alright, that's it for my review! I hope this helped in some sort of way. If you have any questions, of course, feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty




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Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:10 am
koinoyokan wrote a review...



Ok, so I really like this idea and how shortly and easily you were able to interpret the word ok. It reminds me of Depression by the artist DestinyBlue. Since it is such a short piece I have no real comments on the structure. I did find the final sentiment on this internal debate between illusions and reality to be really powerful and makes me tempted to say you should have started with those lines and then moved into the idea of what that internal war looks like. But other than that it was short but profound a hard thing to pull off well.




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Sun Mar 29, 2020 1:52 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey!
Okay, it's a really nice and short essay. This is the first time I'm reviewing an essay, I think, so I hope I don't become too critical. If I do, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to help you out.
Starting off. Like I said, the essay is good, and I mean it. Your meaning, vocabulary, expressions, everything is fine. But I think the grammar in the poem needs to worked on. For example, you could rewrite the beginning like this:
"It all starts when we communicate with others.

"How are you?" and "Are you okay?" are some obvious greetings, right? (They aren't individual words like "hi", so I removed that. And leave a space after your commas.) But sometimes they can hide deep feelings. ('It" to "they", because it's more than one greeting.) As soon as someone asks," Are you okay?", we take a pause, and within that pause thousands of moments flash inside our minds (It's "moments", which is plural, so it has to be "flash". And since you said "our", it becomes "minds", because there's more than one person. I've also basically clumped everything together because I think you don't need to split it up so much. That causes unnecessary fragmentation.)

"seek for help" isn't right; it's just "seek help".

"Illusions that makes us feel better, illusions that gives us hopes, illusions that makes us smile" - all of it is "illusions", so it becomes "make", "give", and "make". i find that you keep confusing singular and plural; work on that.


" despite of our all sufferings," - This should be "despite all our sufferings".

I loved the ending. This essay is really pretty good, I'm glad you wrote it. Just work on your grammar a bit and everything will be fine. Keep it up!
Lee out.






thank you for the review it really helped me.





thank you for the review it really helped me.



LittleLee says...


Glad I could!



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