Mystery Girl

Hmm, this was an interesting poem that had a lot of unanswered questions at the end, and yet I think a lot of people can relate to this subject.

Meaning

I interpreted the meaning to be that you don't owe anyone your story, no matter what you've gone through. I think the poem is describing a speaker who has gone through a lot, perhaps depression and episodes of self-harm, and has done things they regret and also has had people hurt them. And yet they put on a brave face, and don't want people's sympathy, or to have to explain all that they've went through. Their story is their own and they express it by their silence and their clothing. Because of these aspects some people whisper about the speaker and don't understand them, but the speaker seems above it all and won't even tell the reader all that they've been through.

It's hard to make a mysterious poem interesting or emotionally engaging, because as readers I think we emotionally connect when there is emotional revelation. So when the emotional revelation and significant parts of the story are kept out, then the reader can not as easily emotionally connect. As a reader, maybe I'm like those prying onlookers who reads this and really wants to know more about the speaker and what they've been through, not so I can just give them my sympathy, but so I can connect to the story and better understand them.

I like that you gave the reader a few hints about what they've been through, but you leave most of the details out - so that the reader at least has some basis to understand the speaker. I think though, that it's a balancing act - because the more you leave out, the less there is to connect to, on the other-hand to stay true to the speaker's message it seems like things have to be left purposely obscure.

Form
The form of the poem wasn't super clean, the stanzas seemed to grow as the poem went on, and there were a lot of short choppy lines. Lines like "Why" and "I will" - end up not coming across as super dramatic, but sort of stilted, like it's tiring to get through. I would recommend to keep the lines a bit longer and only do a one-worded line if it's some sort of word play or the most crucial moment of the piece.

Also making the stanzas a little more even or combining it all into one big stanza would greatly increase the flow and appearance of the piece in my opinion by giving it more consistency.

Other Comments
Besides that I'd love to see a bit more in the form of poetic devices.
You say the speaker wears "black clothing" but we don't get any descriptions. You describe the "whispers" but we don't hear what they say. Giving a bit of specificity will go a long way in making the poem come alive. Here's an extended explanation of the benefits of specificity in poetry and how to be more specific: Specificity in Poetry

Overall, I felt that you delved into a vulnerable subject but were able to approach it delicately. This was certainly not a lament poem, but in my opinion a resilience poem. Keep writing - I'd like to read more of your work!

~alliyah

Black--a color associated with depression-- is portrayed beautifully in this.
The imagery is strong and vivid; I can see the cuts, I can see the girl's mask. I feel the pain in the tone and am reminded of myself as I read this. I, the reader, have a strong connection to you, the author, so great job in connecting with the audience!!


A quote I love is "I stopped trying to explain myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception," and your poem final line turns my mind to that.

I have to disagree with Jeni31 because the lack of symmetry and rhyme scheme enhances the dark, but true, beauty of the poem--the message is so much powerful as it highlights aloneness, mystery, etc.


Great piece!

This is beautiful and sad. I am not a poet or even a true poetry reader, but I've always liked the lilting melody poetry naturally exudes.

I guess the only thing I would say is why not make each verse the same size? Some have 4 lines, others 6, and the last ones have 2. I get writing outside the rules and poetry is poetry without an ABAB rhyme scheme, and this is personally my own preference, but I always enjoy when poetry has some rhyme or reason to it. I'm old fashioned that way I guess

This is just a personal review and not a call to change your style if this is how you prefer to write I think poetry is extremely personal and not up for the strict critiquing that normal novel/story writing is.

Overall, I think it's beautiful.

Wow, this was beautiful. I really enjoy poems in this style, they show that less truly is more. I like how you developed a sense of curiosity. Why silence? What is there to be guilty about?
There are a few things that I would tweak. This may be completely goofy considering I like things a certain way, but then again it may not be. In your 4th stanza, you used a contraction. I feel like this poem would flow better if it was not present. Not using contractions and you/your/you're instantly makes your writing seem like it is of a higher intellect.
I would also change where you talked about people staring in the halls. I feel like when you put they always stare, it would make more sense not to mention the hallways. The setting of a school/high school has been implied earlier in the piece through your use of words like curious faces, whispers, and they. Sadly, it seems as if a lot of young people deal with the issues that you addressed in this piece. Anyways.... even though:
"I do not return

Their pondering looks

I do not react

When someone whispers

About me in the halls

-"
sounds pretty great..... I would have said:

" I choose not to return
their pondering looks
I do not react
when someone whispers
words that I have no desire to hear"

I do think that it would sound good either way, but this keeps an air of mystery in your poem.
Anyway, that is all I have to say. Good job, I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Have a wonderful day

- Anne