Published October 11, 2008
there's no madness like day madness
blood on the paper thin streets of reality
poking through perception
begging you to quit playing along
there's no terror like night terror
time spent in oblivion box
you see the sky begin to talk
with gaping jaw and no place to go but down
God he rests his giant hand on starry concrete floor
below reside the junkies with wandering eyes and no remorse
Selah, selah they cry
those who dance autumnal
Their limbs furious and their hearts as hard as stone
Tides rise and floods recede
we are immortal they cry to a sun that no longer bothers to answer
and with jubilance and great rejoicing they cast off any semblance of human form
and they dance as angels dance and do the works of devils
for morality worries them not and they are slaves no longer
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,619 Literary Works • 675,173 Reviews
uh tofu person sorry im new and i dont know how to respond but anyway
i was having a little trouble with that when i read back over it too those who dance autumnal are the same as the junkies i don't know how explain that without sacrificing the lyric integrity of the poem ill work on it though thanks
I really like this poem =] your voice when you write is nice, whimsical and thoughtful but not wishy washy for that. Yeah, I liked especially this line:
but actually, all in all, I liked the first stanza a lot better, I think the shorter lines just sounded nicer to me, and the images there were wonderful. I think the last line could be shorter there... it went on much longer than any of the others.
I think in the last stanza my problem was that I didn't entirely understand what you were trying to portray, who are the people who dance autumnal? It might just be me, could you explain and then maybe I'd understand =]
Hey! Your poem is awesome just three tiny little thing's that stuck out to me.
1. Use punctuation! Anything like commas, or periods, or exclamation points!
2. Capitalization. I'm not sure if you meant to have everything lower case or what but it wouldn't hurt to have at least one capital letter.
3. I think you could brake the line's up a little more.
Other then those three little things, great job!
~M
I like it! You did good. Man if I could express craziness like that then we wouldn't need psychologist poking and probing into situations that they don't belong in. And those who knows psychologist or something listen to this. I actually do want to be one so I'm entitled to my opinion.