Your Time is Up

The first to go

its the waking hour, theres still time for you yet

I stayed in my room that whole morning, my parents fighting. I was only seven years old at the time. It seemed like nothing was wrong with me then. Sure i had more friends than most others, well “Imaginary friends” as some would call it, but I knew they were real. I made a list of all my mistakes that day. Too many “imaginary” friends, too much isolation, fighting parents. Sure some of these things I could not control, but all things I thought I did.

times almost up dear, hurry up

I just turned thirteen, it was that very day infact, and once again my “friends” showed up. Still no one can see them, still thought of as fake, still there with me. And once again i got that suicidal urge. My dad was supposed to be going to jail soon. We have already fighting this for a year now. Little did i know it would be the next year that i would see him again, possibly forever.

your time is up dear

I’m fourteen now, about a month after my birthday, once again my parents fight, once again I’m locked in my room. My “friends” have been here more than usual. They have been driving me crazy and i have decided something. Today, right now, right here is where and when I die. I have in here with me razors, as well as bleach and a rope. I turn the rope into a noose and hang it up. The last thing I will ever hear is my parents fighting. I take the razors and cut my wrists as deep as i possibly could. The last thing i will see is my bloody wrists. I drink the bleach. The last thing i will taste is that. I put my head in the noose. The last thing i will feel is pain. I jump then. The last emotion I would have is insanity.

watch your tongue, those words are hurtful

Here i am now, never breathing again. I dont have to. The last time I did, was fourteen. Then my smile was fake, moked with my depression. Now my smile is painted on, thanks to my insanity. I haunt those who fight around their children, protecting those children. Hopefully this will mean no one would ever have to grow up like me.

watch your back, too, your next.

the devil within

I never thought that this would happen to me. One day i will be alone, day after day, night after night, i am always alone. And then one day, yesterday, i made a friend. No one can see her other than me, she’s a ghost. She says she has seen my troubles and those who bully me.

“you don’t have to worry about them now. Never again, never in your life” she said, “i am here to protect you.”

I never felt alone after that. She is always there with me, she always helps me, and as she said, she protects me. She says she went to hell, but to me shes an angel. The reason she died is because of suicide. Now i believe the saying ‘god doesn’t forgive suicide.’

its my turn

She left me. I don’t know why but she did. She said there was someone else who needed her. Never have i felt so alone. Ever since she left me, my parents have been fighting again, more bullies. More of everything that had hurt me. I had learned my reason of life. To show what happens to those with depression.

I will be just like the ghost that used to be with me. Lonely, suicidal, and soon, a ghost. Today i become a shadow of what i used to be. Today, i do as she did.

to see the dark of night

I am fifteen, I am ready for my death. I put on the song “S.C.A.V.A” by hollywood undead. I will never see the light of day again. Never again will I be bullied, will I hear my parents fight. All the bad in the world will be gone for the rest of my time... well... if i can even say my time.... because my time is up.

(this story will be continued)