A/N: I know it's rough. It's an emotional thing-a-ma-bobber and therefore probably needs more thought. Give me whatever you got please.
As a writer I have always known
The purpose of a pen.
It transforms blank paper to a new shape
And creates images seen within.
***
Some liken it to origami,
A writer folds and twists and tries
To make something out of nothing
With ink and pen and mind.
***
But as I grew I found a new pen,
One that writes differently.
It uses the ink beneath my skin
And draws my nightmares for all to see.
***
It twists and turns and breaks me
from a skipping, happy girl
Into a sad, distorted creature
Who moans and screams and yells.
***
It takes blue veins and
slowly drains them black;
It takes unblemished white plains and
tears deep valleys as I hack.
***
But this pen that damages me
Also hides me behind a veil;
This pen of saving grace
Protects me from myself.
***
For as I stand on the edge of a bridge
With nothing to catch me below,
I remember this pen of grace
And force myself back home.
***
I cut red rivers and watch them stream
Carelessly down my arm.
Knowing that without my pen of grace,
I would allow far worse harm.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello I'm The Black Sheep and I love what you've written. The raw emotion that a reader can practically feel emanating from this piece is so powerful and so rare to find unless the writer really cares about his/her topic. Which I can tell you do. Grammatically everything is perfect which is just as rare in a writing piece, which as a writer I'm sure you know, and the voice is crystal clear. I just love the idea of calling self harm the pen of grace because if a person really thinks about it that's exactly what it is. It's a pen that people, especially writers, use to express themselves and to reveal their souls. You've captured this beautifully and I'd like to thank you for being brave enough to submit this to public criticism which is always a hard thing to do especially with things like this. Well done.
This is...just...holy crap.
keep it up!
I have never in my life read a more beautifully expressed, perfect poem on such a depressing subject.
To contradict your note, I don't think you should change it a single bit, as it gives a completely different view into the life of a self-harmer (I really hope that's what this is about otherwise I'll be insanely embarrassed).
Being someone who has indulged in that particular act, I can really empathise with this whole poem, and it really has a deep meaning, as there is so much emotion packed into it, and I really wish I could write something like this to express those feelings :')
I particularly liked how you compare blood to the ink that you write with, I think that's a sad yet beautiful analogy for emotive poetry, as some of it gets quite distressing (I've written some really strange stuff on that topic myself).
I was intrigued by your last stanza, where you say "knowing that without my pen of grace, I would allow far worse harm." I think I know what you mean by that, and I'm definitely one for looking beneath the words, but what exactly do you mean by that? I am slightly confused :S
All in all though, just amazingly brilliantly fantastic
Thanks so much Weymouth! I'm proud that you found it beautiful and yes it is about self-harm.
But I'm very pleased that it hit you in all the right places and, though I'm sad to hear that you've indulged in the act, I'm proud this poem gave such a hard topic justice in the eyes of one who knows just how hard and difficult a topic it is.
As for explanations and to sum up your confusion with the last stanza I'm going to PM you so I don't have this really long little life blurb here haha.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to review! I really do appreciate it.
-Bright
Wow that had a lot of emotion in it- which I really enjoyed.
It takes unblemished white plains and
tears deep valleys as I hack.
That stanza didn't make a whole lot of sense to me...I get what you're trying to say, but maybe you could clarify that a bit more.
And draws my nightmares for all to see.
I would take out the 'my' here, think it would flow better.
Other than that, I didn't see anything else. Well done!
Thank you for your pointers and for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and yeah, emotions. XD
I will try and see if I can rephrase those lines to make more sense, so thanks for pointing that out and thank you for that helpful bit on removing the "my" for the flow. I'll definitely have to do that.
-Bright