There was a difference in this situation.
I've done this a million times
this won't work
It feels like a friendship
I've done this a million times
But I don't want to break him
I feel the love for him in my chest
But I don't see a future
I love him
and I need to break it
I don't want him to disappear
But then He hurt me
so he needs to leave
I've done this a million times
But I don't want to see him go
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
meh, this is the first of your poems that I have read that I can honestly say that I dont like.
I mean, its okay, well written, and everything, but I don't like the subject matter,
It just doesnt apply to me, I mean, sure, we have all seen, heard of, or even felt situations like this, but they ar un-important, really, to any but those participating.
nothing personal, see.
and hell, you seem a bit confused, lets just put it all on the table, shall we?
you say in the poem that "this feels like a friendship"
but you also say "I love him" and "I don't see a future"
\now, the kind of love you seem to be refering to, is not friendship... so I must either be mis-interpreting it, or something,
anyways... not bad poem, altogether, I just didnt particulary like it.
Peace,
God
Mmmm...Interesting. I like the use of your emotions and that's good. Imagination isn't really important here, because there wasn't really anything to imagine except for the pain, humiliation and frustration she is feeling. Also: Some parts were a bit cliche and that isn't nice to have in a poem. It kinds of breaks down the atmosphere.
The reason why I didn't like it, is because I'm so use to these kinds of poems. If I were you, I'd try to go above all of them and keep the idea, but just write it differently. Yes it has the same message and idea, but it has a different type of writing style, which might make it a very good poem.
All in all: I think it needs a lot of work.
This gets better with every read. The use of equivocation gets across the truth about such relationships really well; it's never one constant emotion but that ever-changing "I love you/I hate you" sort of thing.
Each line is like a single thought screamed out of the conscience, like an angel and devil on each shoulder. You left it on a positive note which did work well; "But I don't want to see him go". Felt very brought into the situation- at first it was like a flurry of contrasting thoughts but when you look back it makes sense and almost looks like a pattern develops. Very good work
I liked it. It did seem a bit choppy there in the middle, like you didn't know what train of thought to follow, but that might be the way you intended it
Very good job.
Hmmm, sounds like he's not a very good boyfriend? Anyway, I liked it, the repetition was good, so was the way you described how you felt, very expressive. Keep writing. Oh and by the way i like the beatles too. just thought i would share, whats your favorite song by them, mines, " I wanna hold your hand" (not literally.)
Hmmm, sounds like he's not a very good boyfriend? Anyway, I liked it, the repetition was good, so was the way you described how you felt, very expressive. Keep writing.