I see my friends go forward
the ones that helped me out over the years
The ones who made me laugh harder than I have ever before
and then the machine comes down
and they are welded into something new
I saw a prep, a nerd, a jock
I try to escape
Before it comes down on me
But I can't
I turned into an outcast
people who knew me before automatically shun me
I search for more of my kind
and I smile
with tears falling from my eyes
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
The machine image is very cool, I'd love to see you expand on it.
This has potential, but is rather brief and so far, shallow. Remember a poem is an EXPLORATION of a topic or theme, so I think if you went a bit more in depth with this it could be really good.
I must say that I completely disagree with the previous critiques,
and people, if you may have noticed, I only give mainly good reviews, but thats because I won't critique a peice unless I like, it, or think it's worth it.
I believe I understood the poem, that peoplechange, and well, they always have, and always do,
they say and do things that they would not have before, friends become enemies, or just not there anymore...
I seem to be critiqueing alot of your work, I actually really enjoy your poetry.
hell, maybe I'm just one of the ignoratn masses, and don't know good writing when I see it. *wink*
we try and try to escape the title that are posted on us, like sticky notes that won't come off,
but in the end, it doesnt matter,
we try and try to be free to do what we want, and those of us, or you, whatever, who actually succeed in breaking teh boundaries of society, even just a little bit, are labeled as rebel, outcast, freaks, and whatnot,
personally, I carry the title of "Freak" with great honor.
although, now that I look again, you might have added just a bit more depth to this poem.
And I full well know the anguish of solitude.
Peace,
God
Okay...
Honestly- This was not good. It was dull and failed to achieve its purpose, which is to unleash the persons imagination and emotion. This definitely needs a lot of work.
Truth- I fall in the outcast group!! So proud of myself *Opens a jar of cookies*
It was very confusing. First of all it is too short. You just threw basic ideas onto the paper. First everyone makes you laugh, then they change, then they shun you. I mean. You really did a face-forward poem.
You really need to learn to be patient and to take your time building the poem. In this poem's case, you need to build the tension up. Make it happy as you did in the first few lines. Then show your emotion as everything in his life changes. Also: This poem can work with stanzas. Firstly you have a memory of his friends that is happy. Then you have the change, where everything changes in his life. Then you have where he tries to find his kind. Then...
The ending didn't make sense at all. Why does he smile and why do the tears fall from his eyes? I can think of one reason. If that is your intention that good. It is such an abrupt ending that makes it weak.
This needs a lot of work.
Hope my tips help you.
Hi! First of all welcome to YWS!
Hope you have much joy here 
Onto to the review:
Don't really know what to say. I mean, it was a bit confusing. Still I didn't got what you were talking about. Sorry. And the end, well, was she crying because she didn't see more of her kind? Didn't really got this. If you need any help I'm not sure if I'll be of much help, but still if you need anything just PM me! P.S: Hope someone gives you a review that can actually help you improve! =P