She is alone
And by herself
Nobody cares
At all
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello theashesofstars! Holographic Ladybug is here with a short, positive review on your poem!
This is actually a pretty great poem, despite the fact that this is so short. This is because your basic message is that this girl/woman/female is alone and that nobody cares. Simple as that. But the little ting that is set off in my brain that signals a good poem is that this is very short. Well, of course you knew this, but it's just that the word 'alone' makes me picture some person in a dark corner of a very large and dark room. That said, when someone is alone, they often feel small (and that nobody cares). This poem is small, so that's the beauty of it! It actually brings me down a little after reading it, so those two elements help make your reader feel something and that's a great thing about a poem.
One last thing that I noticed about your poem is that it's very straightforward and gets the message across. I've seen countless complicated poems that are filled with metaphors and such, so seeing this kind of thing is very refreshing. Great job.
~Holographica'
(Fades away....)
Hey! I'm here to review your poem~
I found that this poem has a ton of potential! It's seems rather short and simple which I think it's the concept you are aiming for. The lines don't really flow and you have no punctuation. 'Alone' and 'all by herself' have the same meaning.
"She is alone.
And by herself.
Nobody cares,
At all."
i wanted to put synonyms in the poem because i think it adds character when something is repeated in a different way
I agree that it does but maybe get ride of the 'and' and replace it with a comma. This shows that you going into more depth when you say 'alone'. For example:
She is alone,
all by herself.
And nobody cares,
at all.
This way the flow is better and it actually feels like a sentence but also a poem.
The great thing about poetry is its lack of format and it's ability to be molded any way the author would like in order to convey the point they would wish to convey. I really like this poem; its simplicity is resounding, because its point, although rather "simple," per say, is actually not, as it is only a simple point when taken literally.Therefore, I do not agree with the previous reviewers, as I am a huge proponent for the free nature of poetry and its lack of structure. You do you, theashesofstars!
The poem is also relatable, which is great when your goal is to reach readers and get them thinking. It's possible that the flow of the poem throws them off just a tad, as demonstrated by the previous two reviewers (whose reviews were really good, by the way!). My suggestion (and it's only a suggestion; you are the author) is that you change "And by herself" to maybe "And all by herself" or "All by herself," because it just flows a tad bit better in my mind, particularly the former. But that's just in my head and I can't speak for every reader. Great poem, though!
Hey there!
This is a good start to something that could be a great poem.
As it is now, being so short, it doesn't seem like something that can stand on it's own.
As Everwinter said, it could make a great haiku. Or you could simply expand on it when inspiration next strikes, adding more stanzas that could expand on the ideas or bring in new ones, giving us a deeper understanding of who "she" is, why she is alone, why no one cares, or why she feels like she is alone and no one cares.
There is some slight redundancy in saying "she is alone and by herself" because being alone means you are by yourself, so it's kind of just repeating the same thing. It might read better as "she is alone, all by herself", which I know is still repeating the same idea but "all by herself" makes the "Alone" part more exaggerated so you can feel it more.
Some punctuation would be good too. I know in poems, punctuation is usually the first thing everyone forgets - I know I do it all the time. But it would flow better and be more grammatically correct if there was some punctuation, even if its just a full stop after "and by herself."
Anyway, to conclude, your poem is short but meaningful and reminds me of those "ten word stories" I see around. Your topic is something relatable that everyone feels some times so it instantly connects with the reader. Good job.
This speaks to me on a very personal level. I don't think a lot of people understand that. Your poem was short but it was meaningful.
Honestly I thought it was a haiku at first I think it could work as a haiku.
Something like this
She is all alone
And is alway by herself
But nobody cares
I dunno. Just a thought. You don't have to listen to my craziness.