It pretty much fits in with the poem that you had to memorise, both of them were nothing remarkable.
It pretty much fits in with the poem that you had to memorise, both of them were nothing remarkable.
Underwater pigs = cool. However... the middle section you had didn't really help, and because it seemed so random, the last part didn't fit at all. But the beginning was nice!
Doesn't make much sense. The last line should be swapped with the third one, for a coherent thought to be made. I would also replace the "all" with "their" solely because it flows better.
In one ear and out the other,
Speaking the lines upon my bed,
When will they stay inside my head
Soon I know they'll lose their meaning.
On the whole, this was rather pointless, but I suppose if a piece of literature inspired you to write something about it, it is very good, and I assume this isn't so much for us as it is for you.
It was okay. It sort of seemed ... well I can't describ how it seemed, but i can tell you that what I mean isn't bad, nor good. I think it should be a little longer, and more poetic.
120,193 Literary Works • 649,012 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 94
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