If you look at it it mirrors the "Ebb and Flow" of the title.
Thank you.
z
Two outlawed souls with flames embedded
In their minds; and from a far distance
They share their sparks and shredded
Thoughts of life to explain their existence
----
Calm
Builds tension
As the desperate wind
Mangled the leaves and sticks
Taking them onto the road; A stockade
For useless things like cars and human tricks
The girl is swept out of her house to the streets:
She has neglected the wilderness and
Now it has cast its vengeance
Shrieking in the form
Of darkness and
A storm
Echoes
Distantly from
Longing screams of agonies
Only believed in dreams and love
The condemned isolation of a stranger
Forces the sacrifice of belief from above
The ecstasy surrenders her to her invisible foe
Takes control away from her conscientious
Thoughts and so; she tumbles unaware
So vulnerably away from harm
Astonished and laughing
In foreign arms
A boy
His ocean eyes contain
Raging waves; A constant and
Obscene struggle against a word or face
She doesn’t know or care for now; Over Thunder's
Roars, She whispers, "This is not the time or place"
Seconds and she is no more there than the required sanity
Of innocent nightmares sobbed at half past midnight
That he douses with a touch: For now though
They lay unchallenged in introduction
Witness to natures affinity for
Destruction
----
Two stray creatures drifting in the waves
Breathing in with the consistent ebb and flow
Leave them innocently floating; handcuffed slaves
To love and the world that lies below
I actually really enjoyed reading that. Your rhymes were subtle and helped pull the poem together in a way instead of hindering the message of the poem. Going along the lines of the message, I thought your concept was great too. It was unique and it made you think.
Another appealing thing about it was the shape of the poem, it only added more to the interest and helped you get a nice rhythm.
Well done.
That was exceptionally beautiful. I can't find any mistakes whatsoever, whether that be spelling, or grammar, or just general sentence structure--it all flowed very smoothly. I really, really enjoyed this. I especially loved your rhyming--it's there but very subtle; I think it really brings the piece together.
Overall, really outstanding. I loved it!
Points: 890
Reviews: 15
Donate