Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Ouch!” I yelp into the cold darkness of the cave. I know in an instant that it is a bat that has just bit me; the cold sharp teeth that had plunged into my arm couldn’t belong to anything else. I can just barely see Leslie feeling her way across the cave. We had forgotten our flashlight and are helplessly blind in this light.
Finally, she makes her way over to me. “What’s wrong?” she asks me, her voice seeming to coo like an owl.
“I think a bat just bit me,” I reply, pulling my long, brunette hair to my chest, giving my wound air. I begin to feel my way out of the cave.
Well that is quite the start there. I love how intense that managed to be with the bat happening out of nowhere and us being thrown right into midst of this infested cave with what appears to be some properly dangerous creatures there. The only slight complaint I have for this one is that the sudden of that hair catches you very off guard and it completely breaks the flow for a moment because of how out of place it sounds for hair to get that elaborate a description when a person has just been bitten by a bat of all things.
“Oh… wait! Analeigh! Be careful! You can catch meningitis or some type of ..um… dreadful disease if you aren’t careful!” Leslie screams behind me. She actually listens in Mr. Garkem’s class. He just teaches us about animals. I mean, I listen too, but I don’t want to answer every question he asks. Leslie scowls under her breath when he picks on someone else.
I am almost out of the cave now, my sneakers sloshing in the mud outside. I walk up to Mr. Garkem and tap him on the back. He turns around casually and then freezes, his eyes seeming to pop out of his head. Leslie comes up behind me and I think, What now, I’m Medusa?
Leslie answers for him. “Analeigh, you look so pale, you look like you’re about to h-”
That seems like a lovely reaction there. Very appropriate to how you'd expect someone to react and it has the lovely side effect of telling us a bit more about what sort of person this is too. I think this is going along nicely at the moment. Let's see where this takes us.
“Well… um… I think a bat just bit my neck so if I could just get a bandage, I-”
“A BAT BIT YOUR NECK!” Mr. Garkem screams. I guess Leslie was right, because the first thing I know, an ambulance is roaring down the gravel road path that leads to the cave. I think I should be able to say that this is the worst field-trip ever.
My mother is informed about my “injury” and she has to leave work. Mom works at a diner called Shelby’s and she is one of the waitresses. Mom made a deal with the bus driver that he drops me off at Shelby’s because Mom doesn’t get off work until six o’clock.
But today, I’m not going to Shelby’s diner after school; I’m going to the hospital.
Aannd okay that ending feels unnecessarily rushed there. Its a solid scene there but the way it goes towards the very last bit just seems to skip forward in time far too much with things that seem important to be mentioned and the ending is also just a little too abrupt to really work there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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