A swish turn of pages,
Forlorn eyes stared at The End,
The silent night took over the tired brain,
But hope kept the restless heart awake.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Okay, so this was nice!
It didn't rhyme, which is cool, because a lot of poems don't rhyme. However, I think this would have worked really well as a longer poem. To me, this seemed like only the first stanza.
At the "end", some unanswered questions I had were, "Why was the heart restless?"
"What were they reading that was so capturing?" And others.
My interpretation of this was a person staying up late to finish a really good book, and then having it keep them awake because of all the thoughts they have about the book after they finish it. Judging from the title, I'm guessing they were reading something scary. But how was this romantic?
Honestly, I'm not trying to be offensive or dense, I just want to know what this poem was about. Curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat, so....
Overall rating: 7.5/10
Keep writing!
+1
Well hello there! Welcome to this site, I hope you are enjoying it so far! If you need help, have a question, or just feel like talking, feel free to message me!
I think this will flow better if you say "A swished turn of the pages," It just makes it all past tense instead of having one line different.Suggestions
I have two ideas for this line:
The first one is just a general little thing. I believe the comma at the end should be changed into a period. I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be, but you have commas on pretty much every line so you get a little more variety by splitting it up.
The second thing is changing a word. As it is, this is a decently strong line, you can make it stronger and more powerful by simply changing "stared" into a synonym of it. I was thinking "fixated". Just read it out loud, once with stared and once with fixated, to see which you like better.
So that happens to be all the suggestions I have on your work. And that is just what they are, suggestions. You don't have to make the changes at all. As a writing, and more specifically a poet, myself I know that not all reviews you get are great or what you want to hear. Some of them can be very cruel, I know because I have gotten a few of them. So this is your work, and you can do with it as you wish. I do, however, hope you will at least take what I have suggested into account and think about changing it because I believe what I suggested will help improve your writing.
Lovely Things
So my favorite line has to be: I don't really know why I like it so much, maybe because I can relate to it? I don't know. It has so much meaning and ways you could think about it with just those seven (if I counted right) words! Also it has a nice ring to it, a really good way to end the piece.
An Overview
So my overall impression of your poem was.....
Spoiler
Haha. Really good job with it.
Keep writing,
turtlethatroars