Published August 12, 2011
I resent my age as a barrier of knowledge
That wisdom is a consequence of time and
My written word, unreliable, informal
It’s true I know not of formalities,
At times my punctuation runs off with Grammar
To form alliances with Spelling Errors and Clichés and impregnate
The delicate rose of transition
but
I know how the air hangs heavy with the scent of coming rain
Recognizing every line in your face as repercussions of my disloyalty
How the pits and falls of the landscape speak of loneliness
As we pass those tall, armed, Sonoran warriors
Planted in place centuries before we were conceived
I know that monster hatched by the catalyst that is I
The all-consuming evil that makes you smile as I fall to my knees
And beg for a moment of mercy (undeserving)
And where to go to find peace amongst the precipitating chaos
I may not know the intricacies of the tragedies
Of Sophocles, of Shakespeare, of the poets of Great
But
the tragedies of what is lost when I lay by his side
As you ponder the flaws of an impossibly tender love…
And how tears run down the streams of your unadorned flesh
To join lakes of sorrow and unfulfilled passions
While I rest my betrayals upon the forests of his chest;
Knowing, innately and miserably, they are unworthy…
That I am unworthy…
This is not lost on me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,932 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Normally, I don't like things that are overly wordy, but I really liked this. The first stanza is especially good, I like that it uses humor to sort of lighten the tone of the rest of the poem, and I love the last line. This is a very nice poem, I enjoyed it.
the stanza about spelling/grammar/knowledge was the intro, saying basically how the speaker may know very little about these basic rules of life but (as the rest of the poem goes on to say) knows innate, unteachable things such as self-destruction, disloyalty, and heartache.
Haha, this poem kind of began reviewing itself ^^ AT least it grasped the thing about punctuation which I'm missing
(I still don't understand how grammatic errors and punctuation has anything to do with these two people the rest of the poem seems to grasp around...)
So... I like the content of this piece very much though I don't really see how each stanza fit together as one speaks of spellingmistakes, and the others of love and tragedy - That's how I read it atleast but perhaps there is a hidden thread I cannot find or is betrayal the things that binds them together?
To me this is a love story that isn't that lovely but your last line gives hope
Well, back to the content; I like your great use of descriptive words and imagery, these lines are my favorites;
"How the pits and falls of the landscape speak of loneliness"
and
"I know that monster hatched by the catalyst that is I
The all-consuming evil that makes you smile as I fall to my knees"
So, that was about it for me... I might add that the flow was a bit choppy as without the punctuation your lines were a bit too long to be able to keep up a good rythm
Overall, I thought this was quite amazing and I enjoyed reading it even though it seems to go a little deeper than I may be able to see. I'll give 4/5 spiders
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness