Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! I see you joined recently so Welcome to YWS!! Hope you have a good time here!

First Impression: This is a very interesting first chapter here. We've got a fairly decent look at Maia here who appears to be our main character and we get a decent sense of her personality. The lovely bit of tension built up through the chapter to end in that little cliffhanger is also quite nicely done.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The first time it happened was in the rain. The rain and the wind. Maia Evander stood staring out of her living room window, watching as water ran down the glass and trees bowed nearly to the ground. In the middle of it all there was a man. He stood in the street, watching and observing, just like she was.

He was tall, young, and had piercing blue eyes. His pale skin and bleached blond hair stood out starkly against the dark clouds above him, and he didn’t even duck away from the same wind that was helping the trees shed some extra weight.

Maia watched in silence, then after a few moments, turned away. She knew what was coming, and she didn’t think she was ready.

The next time it happened, it was sunny. The beach was crowded with tourists who had taken advantage of Spring Break to try and miss the Summer rush, but had been greeted with practically the same amount of crowds and a much colder ocean.

In the water stood a young woman with light brown skin and long, silky black hair. Her movements were fluid, and it was clear that she felt at home in the water.

Maia watched as a wave crashed over the woman, but she stood firm even as everyone else fell over, laughing. The next time a wave came, she disappeared with it as though she had never been there at all.

Maia didn’t mention it to anyone, because this time, she was certain that she wasn’t ready.

The final time it happened, it was in the most subtle way possible. Anyone else might have missed it, but Maia didn’t.

School was a necessary evil, but that didn’t mean that Maia enjoyed it, so when she learned that there was a substitute in social studies that day, she smiled along with her peers, and began to look forward to a period with no real work to do.

That was until she walked into class.

The sub was a woman who looked to be about thirty. She was tall and muscular, with deep brown skin and short hair that was braided back in cornrows. She carried herself with a confidence that Maia rarely saw, and as soon as she saw her, a chorus of voices took hold of her mind, whispering, This is it.

Maia took her seat and tried to engage herself in a conversation, but her eyes kept flicking over to the sub, who was greeting students at the door.

The bell rang and the sub clapped her hands sharply, and after a few seconds, the room settled into silence.

“I am your substitute teacher for today,” the sub said in an accent that Maia couldn’t quite place, “and I’m going to start by taking the roll.”

She waited as if for an answer, but the students were already turning back to their conversations, so she just started to call out names.

Maia tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, but it was stuck. And even though the roll call went off without a hitch, she was sure that she hadn’t imagined the pause before her name.

After the last kid’s name was called out, the sub leaned casually against the wall and asked, “Can anyone catch me up on what you guys have been working on?”

There was silence for a few seconds before someone said, “We’re reviewing for end of year testing,”

The sub gave a slight nod before responding, “Alright. Have you done any geography this year?”

The sub’s gaze swept over the room like a hawk’s, and then paused on Maia, who tried to hide behind her long, strawberry blonde hair.

“Ok,” the sub said, without taking her eyes off of Maia, “then I’ll pass out your worksheet and you can get started.”

She picked up a stack of papers and sauntered around the room, dropping one of them on each desk. When she came to Maia’s, she stopped for a moment.

“Maia Evander?”

Maia felt like her heart was trying to pound its way out of her chest as she answered, “Yes?”

“Have you ever considered going to a summer camp?” the sub’s mouth quirked upwards on one side.

“Not really,” she said, hoping that she didn’t sound as nervous as she was.

“Well, you might like to consider this one,” Ms. Sahara slipped a flier out from under her stack of worksheets and placed it on the desk, “I think you’ll find that it suits your skill sets.”

She walked away, leaving Maia staring at a flier for a summer camp that she knew didn’t exist, and trying to accept the fact that, ready or not, it was time.

That was a really good story! Yes, great cliffhanger, and you seem very accomplished. I cannot wait to read the next one. It was very original.

hello! welcome to YWS

first of all, I need to applaud you for your cliffhanger. so well written 👏.

I really enjoyed this first chapter because of the suspense. Writing first chapters and introductions to your story, a whole new setting, place, time, everything, can be really complicated, after all, you're showing us a whole new world. But, you nailed it!. Because you don't just dump the details and background of everything, but you slowly build it up. That really keeps the reader hooked.

The first time it happened was in the rain. The rain and the wind. Maia Evander stood staring out of her living room window, watching as water ran down the glass and trees bowed nearly to the ground. In the middle of it all there was a man. He stood in the street, watching and observing, just like she was.