Slipping through the night
Just looking for a fight
Yearning for something
Achievement or failure
The path of the struggle to the end of the road
Gives the heart purpose
A purpose to sink below or rise above
I am bored
But I'm too lazy to go to sleep
and rise a better man
My sleepy sun-lit eyes
search for purpose every day
College is boring
What is the rate
of my perception of time?
Can I throttle it like a carburetor?
Adding more euphoria to the mixture
of stop and go
Maybe open it all up
An skip the bits that don't mean anything
Though I'd probably break it and get stuck anyway. Which is fine really, I'd just grab my backpack, pick a direction and start walking. Picking through the dense underbrush of a radioactive war-torn future, often pausing as the dead, moaning some far-off lonesome cry of hunger, shuffle past.
Its easier to move during the day, harder to get picked off by the stragglers then, though I've seen what happens when you push your luck. Often the younger folks make it a game, but I've seen it go bad. Shakes the whole village up. Weakens 'em, makes it easier for the fear to pick at their minds and souls when they've heard the bone-chilling cries of pain, and fear fade to silence and then the empty guttural moans of the dead.
Personally I prefer the empty walls for protection at night, even though they can be so exhausting to set up. The impenetrability makes up for it.
So you can understand my confusion when my ever alert mind awoke me and directed my attention to the blade whistling downwards, through the air, aimed at my head. I rolled and leapt to my feet just as the weapon collided with the thin barrier I had summoned earlier. I felt the impact reverberate through the air inside of my tiny fortress. The Greater Dead Spirit that held the very large and sharp machete-like weapon, drew back and slammed another blow against the empty wall.
I had not expected to be ambushed by such a powerful entity, otherwise I would've burrowed deep into the forest floor. It might have taken longer but wouldn't have drained so much energy from me. The third hit landed hard, I could feel the power behind the walls slowly giving way I didn't have much time left, before it broke through and attempted to consume me.
I quickly gathered together my pack, pulled out a Twinkie, devoured it, and readied the signs of radiation, expansion, throwing, and crushing in my mind.
The essence of these things completed realization in my head as soon as the sixth strike shattered the barrier, the blade continued to fall towards me. I extended my arm fingers down, palm out and released.
The blade sliced through my hand as the thing flew backwards into a cluster of trees, knocking them down. The spirit was hardly bothered, it slowly lifted itself from the debris, grinning at me through its slack, skinless jaw and its empty black eyes.
I wasted no time, running towards it I readied my slingshot along with the images of fury and destruction, I asked Arayone for power, calling for the ancient spirit to assist me in removing the Greater Dead Spirit from this world and pushing it beyond.
I felt the warm, glowing acceptance of Arayone as I jumped over the Dead thing releasing my power through the small stones in my slingshot. The power cracked into the air, pulling fire from the in-between down onto the grinning beast.
As I landed a few feet away I quickly had to jump again to avoid another slice of the blade whistling through the air. I quickly reloaded another stone, aimed for its open mouth and let fly, filling the Dead Spirit with fire.
It continued to shamble after me.
I was already far too exhausted, I had expected those two shots to take care of it. I am too weak for Arayone's true power I muttered to myself as I traced the bloody wound on my hand, while I watched the Greater Dead Spirit greed ily limp towards me dragging its large heavy blade.
My only option was to push through and use the Dead Dagger.
The Spirit grunted as it lifted the blade to swing through me. I dodged the heavy slow blow and push through into Death, where the Spirit stood before me in its true form. The dark swirling mass lashed out a long formless tendril, grabbed me by the neck, and lifted me up to its formless head.
Choking, dying I frantically reached for the Dagger.
The dark emptiness of death pushed against my consciousness like the droning of a hive-mind. Holding focus was becoming harder.
I could feel death slowly consuming me, the will of eternity crushing my fragile physical self.
Suddenly the dagger was in my hand. I plunged it deep into the formless body of the spirit. It dropped me. I quickly regained my wits and jumped onto the beast repeatedly stabbing it over and over, crawling onto its back to stab it in the back of where its head was supposed to be. It tried to grab at me but I just slashed at its arms and long tendrils. eventually it fell to the ground to weak to fight back. I shoved the Dagger into the front of its head and dragged it to the edge of one of the many void portals that covered the vast and infinite surface of Death. I removed the Dagger and kicked the weak formless spirit into the abyss where it was sucked into the unknown.
I returned to Life only to find that my commotion had alerted a nearby party soldiers, who no doubt were on patrol for any suspicious folk.
Of course anyone capable of single handedly taking out a Greater Dead Spirit was immediately suspicous.
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Hi thatguy1944,

Mailice here with a short review!
Let's start by saying that you have produced a very beautiful poem there at the beginning. I especially like that you tried to make it all rhyme so that it sounds good.
Now let's move on to the story and I have to be honest, I'm confused. On the one hand you have a very good way of writing everything, which I really like, but on the other hand I had to start reading a second time because I didn't really understand what it was all about. On the one hand, it's very good to leave the reader behind like that, but there's also the danger of getting a bit lost.
That specific one thing is here:
Your writing style is interesting from beginning to end. But sometimes you can get a bit out of breath, especially here at the beginning after you finish the poem. Sometimes I think it would be better if you made your writing style a little easier in places so that the "harder" written passages are better remembered by the reader.
I wouldn't see it as a criticism, but more as an attempt to help you make the story more reader-friendly in some aspects, because there are moments that puzzle you. To develop an understanding of the mystery that you've created here is in itself a reason to make an interpretation, so I think twice you've created something here that generally fits together but scares the reader away because the context is lost in terms of how it may be understood.
In summary, it is a very strange piece and yet I like it in a way.
Have fun writing!
Mailice