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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Belfast, 1981

by thart12


Father Martin’s teeth clattered and his tea spilled as the floor violently shook from the unexpected boom. Screams from outside followed and the old priest instinctively got under his coffee table, as they told you to do in those days when you heard an explosion. His knees creaked and ankles bent in ways they hadn’t in some years, but he felt no pain because of the sudden adrenaline. After about two minutes of waiting for a companion blast, he rushed out of his flat and into the street. Outside, people had already rushed for cover, entering homes that weren’t theirs and crouching behind walls away from the source of the explosion. Father Martin rounded the bend toward the side street behind his building, fighting to breathe through the soot and dust that polluted the air. There was a small fire ahead of him. It seemed to be a car that had detonated. He surveyed his surroundings and couldn’t see anyone that was wounded or dead. There was no way of telling if someone had been in the car. The screams had died down as most people had taken shelter in the past minutes, and an eerie calm filled the road and surrounding houses. Father Martin coughed vigorously, his lungs filling with the ash produced by the car and the uplifted road. Satisfied with his investigation, he turned around to head away for fresher air, but he heard a soft whimper beyond the car. Hand over mouth and nose, he leaned forward to listen more keenly, and the whimpering became more distinguishable. He pressed on as the dust cloud began to lift and got to the burning car. It was destroyed, with only the half-shapen wheels remaining to form any semblance of a vehicle. The whimpering turned into croaking, and Father Martin hastened to move around the car. There was a bush on the side of the road that was slightly singed by the shrapnel of the car, which was scattered as far as fifty yards away. The cries came from there, where he found a small boy leaning into the bush. Father Martin ran to examine him. His left arm had been blown off and blood poured from the wound. Both of his legs looked to be broken. The joints were bent at odd angles while the boy sat propped up against the bush. Cuts and bruises marked his entire face, presumably a consequence of both wayward shrapnel and a bad landing if the boy had been airborne. His hair was filled with soot and matted with blood, concealing its natural color. Father Martin did not know what to do. He unfastened his cassock to use his shirt underneath as a cover for the boy’s left arm, in an attempt to stem the flow of blood. He removed his white shirt and tightly applied it to the boy’s shoulder, where it instantly became soaked in crimson. Then, he ran his hand through the boy's hair, revealing multiple cuts on his scalp and patches of auburn-dusted brown hair that attempted to penetrate the layers of pollutants and blood. Father Martin sighed. “What is your name lad?” he asked the boy.

Struggling to produce the words, the boy replied weakly, “John Michael Finley, father.”

Father Martin nodded and said, “I’m going to give you your last rites lad. Your fate is with the Lord now.”

John Michael’s whimpers of pain turned into louder cries of dismay as tears streamed down his face, diluting the ashy garnet that stained him. Father Martin conferred the sign of the cross over John and began.

“May you, John Michael, return to him who formed you from the dust of the earth. May Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you bring you freedom and peace. May Christ who died for you admit you into his garden of paradise. May Christ, the true Shepherd, acknowledge you as one of his flock. May he forgive all your sins, and set you among those he has chosen.”

Instead of acknowledging the prayer, John pleaded, “But can’t I have a doctor father? I want to see my mum. I want to see my mum!” He repeated over and over. His eyes were dominated by fear and pain, begging more convincingly than his words. Father Martin put his head down, then shuffled closer and scooped John into his arms, pressing his left side into his body, trying to further stem the flow of blood from the missing arm. He began to run towards the main street, but John sharply breathed and cried as he did, so Father Martin slowed down.

“There’s so much pain,” cried John Michael. He promptly passed out in Father Martin’s arms. His frantic breathing drastically slowed, and his facial expression relaxed into a drawn frown. Having been so focused on John Michael, Father Martin had not noticed the woman looking on just to his right. She had the same mahogany hair as John Michael and the same lifeless eyes. 


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Points: 26
Reviews: 3

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Mon Jan 01, 2024 6:41 am
VidalJenkins wrote a review...



Very effective and bleak portrayal of the Troubles. Like other pieces of historical fiction set during war, this story did a great job at maintaining an almost apocalyptic feeling despite being just one violent day in a single person’s life. The ending of Vile Bodies comes to mind.

Also appreciate the tonal consistency. The story isn’t bogged down in geopolitical jargon, and instead conveys a universally harrowing experience in no uncertain terms. Material that could easily be played as weepy melodrama is instead treated with an empathetic but almost documentarian style, which only heightens the horror.

My only criticism is with the opening chunk. It’s long and unbroken, which I would imagine was done to maintain the tension and rhythm, although you indent the paragraphs latter on and it works fine there.

Aside from that, a dark and well-written account of a relatively recent conflict.




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Points: 896
Reviews: 4

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Wed Dec 27, 2023 7:52 pm
Pixel8ted wrote a review...



Hello thart12, I really liked this piece of writing!

It is so fast paced and yet strongly moving. While I was reading it, I could literally see Father Martin in the bombed out streets of Belfast. The story is tragic, and yet beautiful written.

It's hard to point out my favorite part, but I like the way you wrote the end. You do not say that John Michael and his mother are dead, and do not even say that the woman Father Martin saw was John Michael's mother, you simply write:

"She had the same mahogany hair as John Michael and the same lifeless eyes"

You did not tell the reader what was going on, you showed it to them. You did that throughout the rest of the story as well. That's what makes the writing so dynamic.

I also like the way you used your adjectives and verbs. You placed them strategically so that the story reads smoothly and sweeps the reader right into the action. You don't only use ordinary verbs and adjectives, but ones that are strong, special and make the story so much more alive and convincing. I find this so hard to do! It's little tricky to point out a specific example of this, but I hope you understand what I mean.

The first half of your story is all clumped into one paragraph. This makes it a bit hard to read, and so you may want to consider cutting it up into smaller paragraphs. I am not a paragraph expert, but I think that some good places to do this would be before this sentence :
"After about two minutes of waiting for a companion blast..."

This sentence:
"The screams had died down as most people had taken shelter..."

This sentence:
"The whimpering turned into croaking..."

And this sentence:
"Father Martin did not know what to do..."

However, the lack of paragraphs could also be used deliberately to show the difficulty Father Martin had moving and breathing in the street. That is an effect as well.
In all, I found your piece of writing very enjoyable. I love historical fiction.
Keep up the good work!





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