s t a t i c

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This made for a really interesting story. I don't believe I've ever raid something with quite the same feel to it and it really made for quite the experience. It just seemed so opposite to the norm with these stories that as a reader it just an experience you wouldn't forget easily.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The faces on the television mock what we pretend to have. The boy beside me sits patiently, too polite to speak his mind. Even though he is silent, I can hear the words pounding against his skull.

When will this movie end?

I turn back to the screen, but I catch his bronze irises flicker my way. They remind me of the flickering lamp posts lining the streets outside.

"What's up?"

The rain did well in its attempt to drown out the sound of his voice, but his lips brush over the curves of my ear, reminding me of our proximity.

"When will this movie end?" I ask. He is still. For someone merely acting, he is impeccable at pretending to care.

Between us is a blistering buzz of unspoken pleads and demands, overshadowed by the withering masks we wear everyday. He leans forward, brushing his lips across my neck. I expect sparks, tingles, shivers, something. Nothing comes. I only shiver because the window is slightly open and the stormy winds welcome themselves into the apartment.

I gently push him away as I edge into the corner of the couch, as far away from him as possible. I adjust myself so I am staring at him, and he is staring at me. His eyes are pools of empty gold, crowned over with something sorrowful.

He takes my hand in his, and turns it over to trace the lines in my palm. He only turns my hand over in his to practice turning the tables. I flick my gaze to the screen.

"I love you." Says the woman in the movie. The glass trembling in the window frame under the pressure of the storm is stronger than her convictions.

"I love you, too." Says the man. The film is cheap. The acting? Appalling.

The man and the woman on the screen are hazy reflections of myself and the boy on the couch. I feel his index finger trailing over the veins on my wrist. I feel his fingers wrap around it, and he pulls me towards him. My eyes are trained on the screen. He lets go of my wrist, then loops one arm around my waist, and uses his hand to lift up my chin. We make eye contact.

"I love you." He says. His expressions are coins with the same face on both sides. A crestfallen, dismal face.

Then his lips are on mine. Most people would call it a kiss - I call it resuscitation because I am breathless from the number of lies I have ever uttered.

My fingers rake through his butterscotch coloured hair, tangling them in ways that are too sweet for words. If I try hard enough, the bubbling feeling of discomfort in my stomach melts into a warm, aching honey that floods through my veins.

We pull away, momentarily breathless.

No sparks. No tingles. No shivers.

The sound of rain drumming its icy fingers across the window serve as a reminder of how I should be feeling - my heart drumming against my chest. Each frantic breath like typhoons of desire and libido rushing out of my lungs.

I feel empty.

"I love you, too." I say. My voice is hollow, and I know he realises that -

but at the end of the day we are two people who prefer the sting of pretence over the suffocation of loneliness.

With a content smile, he picks up the remote and changes the channel.

It is static.

I really liked this. I think it was done incredibly well. However, I did find a few things that puzzled me. Two things to be exact.

1) There was some awkward wording. An example of which being, "The boy beside me sits in patience." I understand what you're trying to say, but using 'sits patiently would make more sense in my opinion. Just having a pair of fresh eyes read through and point out the wording that seems off would fix this.

2) The second thing really confused me, maybe it's something that actually makes sense and I'm just dull. But nevertheless, I didn't understand it. "His expressions are coins with the same face on both sides." What is this analogy supposed to mean? Does it mean that he always wears the same expression? It didn't make much sense to me. If you're really attached to it, maybe insert a little explanation of how his expressions are coins with the same face on both sides.

WOW!
You know what? I have nothing negative to say about this. So what I'm going to do is make this my first ever review with ALL POSITIVE feedback!
To start off-here are some of my favorite lines:

They remind me of the flickering lamp posts lining the streets outside.

The rain did well in its attempt to drown out the sound of his voice.

THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH:
Between us is a blistering buzz of unspoken pleads and demands, overshadowed by the withering masks we wear everyday. He leans forward, brushing his lips across my neck. I expect sparks, tingles, shivers, something. Nothing comes. I only shiver because the window is open and the stormy winds welcome themselves into the apartment.


I could feel the emotion, the feeling, the confusion of the narrator. I could feel how empty, hollow, and utterly weak s/he felt while sitting there, watching this corny couple on TV live this fantasy life that's fake and untrue. I could sense how she felt mistaken, almost cheated. It was truly mesmerizing.

I really really really enjoyed reading this piece and I will be looking out for more work from you in the future.

Remington38 here, pleasure to meet you.

Wow... this is all I can manage after reading that. It was beautifully written and a very interesting idea. I like that someone is writing about the empty relationships along with all of the ones about true love. This is extremely relatable for the audience and it is so different I love it. The description is amazing... wow. I am honestly speechless and don't know what to say. You are an extremely talented writer and I hope to read more by you.