Little pigs,
Little pigs,
They’re behind me again,
It must be this black fur,
On my chinny chin chin,
So I huffed and I puffed,
Trying to calm myself down,
I was new in this town,
And nobody’s around,
They walked up to the car,
I held my hands out afar,
I heard a click,
And a clack,
Then everything just went black...
Little pigs...
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This poem is really interesting, I always enjoyed spinning old tales into modern contexts.
It's a really humorous and rather bold way you chose to do so in this poem, using popular slang for policemen as "pigs" and turning the story on its head- the pigs are the villains in this one. The persona is a stand-in for a person of colour, huffing and puffing to calm themselves in the presence of the "pigs"
The rhyme scheme is really well done, beginning to rhyme as the persona gets scared, showing a quickening of thoughts, a fight-or-flight response. Its also reminiscent of modern rap rhyming schemes and rhythms, tying in to the persona's identity wonderfully.
While I always preferred subtlety in my work, the very "in-your-face" nature of the poem helps get its point across clearly. It works very well, especially for reaching greater audiences which may not be so inclined to literature, which is honestly the gold standard for political literature.
If I had to give any areas for improvement, I'd ask you to explore subtlety in your writing to gain the ability to use twist reveals, which is a major reason people may adapt old stories. On a more personal, stylistic note, I would've chosen to end the poem on the second-last stanza, on "black". It might be a little too bold, even for you, but I believe it has a greater impact.
I love this take! Firstly, you're absolutely right about this being a bold approach, and about it resembling modern rap. I actually study rappers more than poets. Rap was originally just poetry over a beat, and so my goal as a poet has been to "reverse engineer" rap into my own style of poetry. As far as me being bold, normally I prefer to be a bit more subtle, but this work is a part of a bigger project that is meant to be a bold stand against injustices against black Americans. I got the inspiration from MF Doom, a rapper known for portraying many personas, the most popular being the villain, Doom. So the book was written from the perspective of a "villain" who is fighting for a just cause, but in a way only a villain can do. I intentionally picked the three little pigs, and flipped it on its head, feeling the "villainous thing to do" would be to turn the innocent, lighthearted kids nursery rhyme into a dark but meaningful message to the world and those who lead it. I contemplated for a long time about ending it at black, but I wanted to take some of the edge off, and remind the reader of the original nursery rhyme with the final "little pigs", but I wish I'd seen it from your point of view first now. If/when I have more time, I'll put more work on this site soon, I love how you and everyone on this platform read both with your eyes and hearts, and you can pick up on the emotional side of the content and not just the lyrical!
Hi there! I enjoyed this short poem. I love it when writers take classic rhymes or tales because it's pretty easy to get the flow and predict how it will sound, but I love the little twists and political aspect you added.
As the other commenter said, I interpreted this in the way of race and gun violence.
It seems like you compare the little pigs to police. This person, who is described as having fur, like a wolf in the traditional story, seems to represent a person with dark skin, who is being targetted by the police because of their race. You tell the story of how this person 'huffs and puffs' to try and calm down, which perhaps means trying to plead their case or calm themselves.
I like how you have this rhyme scheme in the poem too. It has a pretty nice flow to it, as I said before, which kept me engaged the whole time, especially since you are writing about such an important topic. It seems like this 'wolf' is compliant with the 'pigs', but in the end, the pigs still turn to violence, which I assume ends with death. I can tell that this is a very politically driven poem and I like the style, because it seems so relaxed, but holds such a deeper message. I think poems like this are a great way to spread awareness on something that seems like it means a lot to you. In the traditional story, it is the wolf that destroys the houses of the pigs, but in this story, it seems like his efforts cost him his life. Very interesting and well written.
I hope that you post more soon because I love your style! Have a great day and keep writing.
Your friend,
Ellie
I love that you told me more about my poem than I had initially considered while writing it. I'm still learning this point system, but I will update my profile soon so you can see more of my work. I publish on several other sites, and this poem will be part of my 21st-ever release on Amazon! I'm glad to see people so excited to read and write on this site! Thank you for reading!
This is an interesting poem. I like the incorporation of a classical children’s fairytale into the plot. It acts as an excellent metaphor, through which a darker story can be told. It’s a bit unclear whether the poet is trying to reference race relations or a different societal problem. The surprise twist at the end is also interesting.
It's meant to represent racial issues in America, this poem is a part of a collection of poems all centered around race and politics that I'll be publishing on Amazon soon! Thank you for reading!