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Young Writers Society



Buklau

by tfav


There was once a young fellow named Buklau Qiao. He was a very nice young boy who went to school every day to learn about confucianism. His parents did not believe that confucianism was a good culture but Buklau thought that is was a very good culture so he decided to run away from home to go live as a confucianist.

Buklau ran away far and far away to the edge of the city to where he found a confucian temple at the temple he found a man who would become his instructor and then the man said “Boy do you have your robe yet” and then Buklau said no instructor have just arrived my name is Buklau and I have come to study confucianism. I have learned in my old school that it is one of the best cultures to follow. So Buklau Here is your robe it is a very sacred thing you must keep it clean and never lose it. Then Buklau put on his robe and went into the temple to look around when he walked in the front door he heard a strange ringing then he realized that the strange ringing was a bell. He went into the room where the bell was ringing and there were tables and men sitting at the tables with food Then he sat down and realized that the room was the area where the confucianists ate. Then a tall man walked up to him and gave him a bowl of soup. Buklau ate the bowl of soup very fast and then left the room and went to his instructor to ask him were his room is at. Buklau found the instructor and then the instructor showed him his room and then left. Buklau looked around the room and saw that there was a bed a bathroom and that was it. Buklau walked over to the bed and flopped down on it and fell asleep because he was very tired from the long journey to the temple.

When Buklau awakened he heard the ringing of the bell again and went into the mess hall for breakfast. When he was finished he went back to his room and washed his robe. When he finished washing his robe he went outside and went to his class when he got to his class the teacher said to him sit down boy and he thought it was very weird that everyone was calling him boy. He then realized that the teachers and instructor and other monks called all of the new students boy. In the class he learned about confucius and how he created the religion of confucianism. What happened was he had all these ideas about a religion then he got a bunch of followers and then he died then his followers taught the religion. Buklau thought that this temple was the best place ever because he learned a lot more about confucianism then he learned at his old school he was very happy there. He started getting into the culture a lot then he got to a stage in his life at the temple where he must meditate for 1 month at a time for 10 years and in between each month he could feast then he would have to go and meditate for another month. When he got out of the stage of meditating he went to his room and slept for 19 hours then we he woke up from that and went to the mess hall and ate 5 bowls of soup because he had not eaten for 19 hours and he was very hungry.

Many years went by and Buklau was getting old he was now 95 and he was hobbling around the temple in his very nice orange silk robe. He was very happy with what he decided to do with his life when he was 15 years old he made that decision to become a confucianist and he was very happy with that. Buklau had just awoken when he heard the bell to go to the mess hall he went to the mess hall and ate 2 bowls of soup because he was not that hungry. Then he went to his classroom where he now was teaching the students about how the culture was created. He was one of the best teachers in the entire temple and his instructor was very proud of him even though his instructor had died a long time ago from a bad cup of green tea. The next day Buklau went to a very special place because he was now in his last years of life were he would become a instructor. He received a silk robe which was rainbow colored with a blue background on it and it was very rare for people to have one of these robes. At the end of that month Buklau did not wake up he had died in his sleep and there was a very big funeral held for him and the other people of the temple knew that he had lived a very good life. THE END 


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20 Reviews


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Sat Mar 07, 2015 5:00 pm
Spaulds wrote a review...



Spaulds here for a review!

Ok, This was very well written! Welcome to YWS!

First off your ending. I'm sorry but that was really abrupt. The story was going great and then it just ended with no description of why or how or when. I would consider describing more of what happened, and drawing it out a little more. Also it is a bit of a run on sentence.

Second off, the events are kind of scattered. I would put them in chronological order instead of jumping around from date to date. start with him running away until his death. Keep it all in order. at the moment it is very unorganized.

Finally, spelling and grammar, This is an easy fix. Just go through with a fine tooth comb and check it all over again.

I think if you continue to work on this story it could be really great. So again, welcome to YWS! Hope my advice was helpful and that you continue to write!

~Spaulds




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Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:26 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello, KatyaElefant here for a review! I wish to give you a nice and warm welcome to YWS! I hope that you will stay here with us! Anyways, let us see what we have right here...

There have been A LOT of stories about the Asian culture on YWS lately. Do you happen to know why? Is there some sort of event with writing stuff about the Asian culture?

The first thing that I notice about this piece is that it very lacking in organization. You should organize this piece into smaller paragraphs. Also you have a lot of run on sentences so you should cut them down into simple, complex, compound and compound-complex sentences just so that it is easier for the reader to read. Also this would make the piece a lot more grammatically correct. One more thing to note on the grammatical side is that Confucianism is capitalized. If you need help finding out where you grammatical mistakes are, you can always put your piece in a spell checker like Office Word so you can have the best piece that you can have.

I think that you could elaborate a lot more on this story about how Buklau ran away. Like you could have some dialogue and imagery to describe him running away. Everything can be elaborated on. You need more details and describing words. Also, I don't see much of a plot to this story, I think some sort of climax needs to happen. Like there needs to be some sort of moral. This story just seems pointless and not displaying a point.

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant




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Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:43 pm
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tfav says...



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oh to be a cat in a pile of towels
— ChesTacos