Published November 20, 2011
She's in love.
A broad smile shattering
A heart.
Dripping
doses of distraught,
He lights the fire
Muttering muffles of wishes
A Cursed Love,
Falling
Apart.
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141,265 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I like this for a few reasons:
1. It was short. I don't like reading a poem that's really a novel. Kudos because that isn't a problem here.
2. Your word choice is good. The way you arranged lines with only a couple words left me on the edge of my seat, looking for more. There were also some alliterations, and the poem generally created good imagery. The words like "dripping" and "shattering" created a vivid mental image.
There were some cons, though:
1. It was a bit hard to follow at times. Some people like spontaneity in poems, though, so this isn't a huge deal.
2. The title is a bit cliche.
I hope my review helps. This is a good poem. Keep writing.
Hello! I liked the bare, severe feel of your poem - I feel that you increase the emotion in the poem by not over-ornamenting it. A few spelling errors: 'distrought' should be 'distraught', 'muffels' should be 'muffles' and 'lits' should be 'lights. I also feel the separating of 'Falling apart' is a bit unnecessary as it felt a bit awkward.
Overall - well done, great poem!